Saturday, August 20, 2011

Baby, Where Did The Time Go?

Baby, we will be meeting you some time in the next 3 weeks.

You'll probably be reading these when you are my age - maybe you will have kids of your own by now, be married like I am, or just old enough to appreciate how loved and cherished you really are.

Its been 236 days since we first found out about you. Those silent days when you were kept our little secret, way back then you seemed like a reality that was so far away. We told our families and a few select friends about you and the news was met with tears of happiness, excited dances lots of happy clapping and shouting! We toasted to our future and enjoyed a period of being in awe while you grew secretly inside me, hidden from the outside world. 

You survived a big earthquake when others didn't and your Daddy looked after us. During that first night of aftershocks he layed on top of me and sheltered us. He took us to Auckland and kept us safe, and then on holiday to Australia so we could relax and spend time together. We were so blessed. Days and weeks went by without power or sewage and lots of dust. Friends and family look after us with hot showers, food and company and still you fought and grew. I was so worried for you.

One of your ultrasound scans came back irregular - you hadn't finished growing your spine yet. Silly me probably had the scan a tad too early, I was so eager to see you again. We prayed for you and decided to leave it at that. We really felt so out of control - there was nothing we could do so we tried not to think about it. A few weeks later I had another scan and you were perfect. And you were a girl. We were so happy!! Dad had his "girls" to look after now and he's been doing such a good job! 

Its been a long time since I've seen you on the screen but I've heard your heart beat so many times. Our midwife, Janine, always has such a big grin on her face whenever she listens to you. "She's so strong!" She says in response to your beating heart. You've kicked her in the head a few times when she's been listening to you or feeling for your position. I've stopped hearing you through the sonar, I don't know if you like it or not so I just choose not to. 

Your Dad has a story (I'm not good at telling it) but its of a reoccurring dream he used to have when he was young, and it sounds like just being in an ultra sound in the womb. It makes me wonder if somehow it was a real memory. It didn't sound nice anyway and it made me wonder what you thought about the sonar waves.

Anyway, time passed and we moved into a house on our own for the first time. Up until now we had always had flat mates. The house we are currently living in is such a blessing. Its so much bigger than we were looking for, much cheaper than the asking price, its warm and every room has all day sun. For now it's perfect. Since we've moved in I've slowly been setting up your bedroom. It's not fancy, but it will do. 

When you read this, ask your Dad about what we found in your first set of drawers when we bought them - see if he remembers!

We love living here alone. Just this week your Dad got home from work, put all of his things down, sat on the couch and said how good it was to have a place to "be". Just us. To do whatever, whenever. This is our space and we aren't taking it for granted. 

You made it through another set of reasonably large earthquakes and again without power and water (only for a day this time!) Thankfully, our new home is solid and we are safe here. 

We prayed for our health and safety, and made it through winter with nothing more serious than a 2 day head cold. Your Dad and I get quite ill every winter. I am so thankful that we were spared and I feel so looked after. 

We took a trip to Hanmer Springs with the Hawes'. Your Uncle Adam said to Aunty Tracey that he couldn't believe it was his little sister with the big belly at the swimming pools. He said the same thing when I was all dressed up for your Granddads wedding to Josephine (minus the big belly). Uncle Adam is so adorable with your cousin Shire. I know he will melt when he meets you (but not till after whitebait season!) I walked around the pool complex in my itty bitty bikini - I felt so big and I noticed everyones stares, but I didn't care. I felt so beautiful. I knew what was inside me and it made me so happy to show you off. 

We came back to Christchurch and endured 2 snow storms. I thought for sure you might arrive during the second one when I was snowed in and couldn't go anywhere. Trust you, I thought, to want a good birth story. 

Today we blew up the birth pool, fitted your car seat, tested the hose and tap connections and spent time with Nanny and Granddad Mutu. We are ready for this birth, whenever you decide to come!

Tonight I have been sitting on our couch working away on my Cinderella cross stitch for you and your Dad has been playing his guitar in front of me, making up a new song, it sounds beautiful. I couldn't help but think how far we have come in the last 236 days and how much you have changed our lives. 

The days spent with you so far have been such a joy and they have gone by so quickly. You have been my little girl. Soon you will be apart from me and I will have to share you with everyone else. With Dad, your Grandparents, our families and friends. I want them to meet the girl who has changed me so badly, but at the same time I want to keep you close so I can protect you. 

It blows my mind to think that we will have a daughter sometime in the next 3 weeks. I couldn't feel more prepared and more reliant on those around us. We have never been parents before, everything will be a learning curve. I'm sure we will make mistakes and in hindsight could have done things differently or better, but know that every part of us loves you and wants the absolute best for you. We are waiting with eager anticipation and can't wait to meet the little girl who has already been such a blessing to our lives. 

I know these 3 weeks will fly if they are anything like the last 9 months. Enjoy them while you can because its a big loud world out here filled with snow, earthquakes and lots of pretty things too. I can't wait to show you the daffodils that are blooming. 

4 comments:

  1. This is completely adorable, your baby has already lived through so much, love conquers all you know, truly!! So close now, yay. Good luck with a first born daughter, they tend to struggle being daughters & not in control, as the leader, she'll be a Daddy's Girl, so don't even try for her to be anything else. It's a gorgeous thing, love Posie

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  2. Awww - that made me cry and took be back to just over a year ago when we were waiting and longing for our first precious daughter! She is pure joy - such a treasure, and I know your wee one will be also!

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  3. Beautiful Soph! It's such a great idea to journal your thoughts before your first arrives. Wish I had done that! xo

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  4. Your writing is so beautiful soph, it made me cry too, it so much reminded me of my times in pregnancy, with all those thoughts you have about the unknown wonder of it all. thanks so much for sharing your blogs

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