Monday, July 11, 2011

Dear Baby, 32 Week Update

[warning] This post contains so many collective thoughts. I don't blame you if you have no idea what I'm getting at. I'm not even really sure.

Braxton Hicks Contractions: One, although in the last few weeks I've had a couple of nights of very bad lower abdominal cramping - My midwife seems to think they're just serious Braxtons, however they have felt nothing like my experience with Braxtons so far. One of lifes mysteries I suppose. Praying they come to nothing and don't put me in early labour :) No need to feel concerned - I'm not.

Times I have vomited: A big. Fat. Zero!

Thoughts this week: Every emotion you have ever experienced I probably go through every single day. Life is a roller coaster but on the whole it is a positive one.  I am trying to get ready for whats ahead and have realised I have very little time left. Technically, 5 weeks until she is considered "full term" and then another few weeks until the "due date" however I am setting very little expectation on that date. She could be "ready" any time within those 4 weeks and I want to be ready when she does come. As little stress as possible - that's my aim. I want to be ready, food in the freezer, all my jobs and bits and bobs tidied and complete so I can sit back and play with some wool until she is ready.

A lot of people ask me if I'm big enough - yes, I am. All my measurements (fluid, womb size etc) are all hitting the mark in terms of my height and weight. She does however feel very very big inside me. Maybe this is that "uncomfortable stage" they say that is the third trimester. Perhaps it is catching up to me. My baby feels like she is ready. Some times she sticks right out the side of me if I am leaning forwards slightly and I can actually cup her in my hands. Its too hard to put socks on, or to do up my shoe zips. Its hard to get off the couch, and if i'm lying on the floor I need Graeme to lift me up. Some days its very very hard to put on proper pants. I wish pj's were fully acceptable in all public areas.

Last night I dreamt I gave birth to a toddler. She was huge.

Despite all of this, I still think I would rather be a pregnant woman that having to be a supportive man. He tells me I'm not, but I always feel like I'm complaining to Graeme. There is always something hurting, or uncomfortable, or something that I fear and want to talk about. There is always "something". Thankfully, Graeme is super patient and doesn't let on any frustration whatsoever (if he does have any). I also think I would rather go through the labour than have to watch it and feel helpless. There does seem to be very little a support person can do for a labouring person (other than encouragement and practical things like massage). A few months ago Graeme had to get one of his teeth broken and extracted at the dentist. I was in the room with them because it was late at night and it was just us in the surgery. I held Graemes hands as he squeezed them with pain. Blood was spraying from his mouth and hitting is glasses and I could hear the tooth being smacked and pulled. A single tear escaped the corner of his eye. It was aweful. I felt sick to my stomach and I really didn't want to be there but I was compelled to stay to support Graeme. Afterwards I even said that I didn't expect him to be at the labour after I had endured that and not been able to help. Support people have it tough and I am often aware of how kind and good Graeme is to me.

Thats you with Baby Bruce. He is ready to meet us at any moment! Whenever people ask me if you two will date I say you aren't allowed to date until you are 30. Don't worry, I'm only kidding though, I'm just trying to keep your options open! ;)

Dear Camilla,

Not long now and we will meet! Its a strange feeling really, I feel as if I already know you and yet there is so much more to learn. 

I hope you like family adventures! Your Dad and I love to go geocaching - you may not know what that is, but it takes us on regular adventures where we hunt down little things hidden all over the world. It sounds so silly to say it like that but most of our favourite memories are out and about exploring. When you arrive we can go on family holidays, trips to the beach, play backyard cricket, go skiing on the mountains and biking through the forests. The world is our adventuring oyster!

The country we live in is so so beautiful. We are so lucky to live here and although this past year our city has fallen in big earthquakes I still love it. It is home for us and when you are older it will be rebuilt and it will probably look completely different to what it does now. I hope to teach you about all the hard work that went into building our city. People joint together, they were strong and brave and persevered when they had so many reasons to pack up and leave. Through all of our adventuring we hope to teach you about this amazing country we live in and how lucky we are. 

Can't wait to show you around!

Love, Mum x

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