Fare Thee Well

Best friends of ours are preparing to move over seas. They've been preparing to move for almost a year and it isn't any more real now than it was 7 months ago. *sigh* Hubby got a transfer over there with his relocating company. Lucky things. 

I miss them already and they haven't even left yet, they are just caught up in the busyness of life, saying goodbye to loved ones, packing, organising, all of that essential stuff. That's okay. We were lucky enough to be invited to their good bye family BBQ. It was such an honour to be invited to a family BBQ! We celebrated them with delicious food and backyard cricket. Milla played in the grass (she loved it) and we enjoyed the sunshine. 

We've known these two for 5 years, before Graeme and I had even gotten together. They have been members of our church for 5 years - before it even started, they were involved in the creation and planting of it in Christchurch. The hubby used to be Graemes 2IC in the Youth Pastor days. They are close friends and we will miss them so much. 

Tonight we have our connect group and it will be the first official time they wont be members, since they have been coming when it started 2 years ago.

At times like this I celebrate technology! The wonders of skype and facebook and email! Nothing can beat a hand written letter though. I plan to send them many.  

It will be different and sad but we are super excited for their new journey. Life has a way of carrying us through and we know they are on a great path!

Also...  I would like to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone for your concern. I am definitely on the mend. Phew, all that blood loss really knocked me around. I have a lot more strength today than I did at the weekend and I am feeling much better for it. Unfortunately my mind is still a bit of a mess, I'm not entirely sure if this post will make sense, its hard to concentrate. 

I met up with some other bloggy ladies in Christchurch yesterday and their love and concern for me was so touching. Afterwards I was pleased that I brought it up on the blog and shared what I am going through this week. I think out there somewhere a lady needs to know that she doesn't need to put up with anything like that. I might talk about it more in the future. No regrets.

2 Admissions Later

I went into hospital yesterday for my minor procedure - just getting a piece of me cut off that had ripped during millas birth and was never stitched or healed properly. They put me first on the list because I played the breastfeeding card, I was appreciative. I only had local anasthetic so I was awake during the procedure.

I later told Graeme that walking into the theatre was like walking into Heaven (okay in hindsight that's not right. But thats what it felt like) As soon as I walked in everyone stopped what they were doing, turned and welcomed me with open arms. Litterally, "Sophie! Welcome! Come in! Are you warm?! Come over here! Its so lovely to see you!" Ah, I felt so special.

A lovely older nurse called Betty (aren't the best older ladies called Betty!?) held my hand and talked to me the whole way through. She had smilie stickers on her name badge. Aren't the best people-people those who have stickers on their badges?! During the procedure I thanked her so much for being there. She told me she had been a nurse forever. I said that I bet she had seen a thing or two. She revealed that she had been thinking of writing her experiences down. I said that if she ever did I would love to read her account. Thank you Betty :)

I'm a bit of a tank, took about 8 goes for the local to work. They kept cutting in and I could feel it :s Same with the stitches. Yeouch!

I went into Step Down, waited a little bit, had a bite to eat and then we left together. I felt good! I was exceptionally bubbly despite being a little numb down there.

We decided to go to Addington Co-Op - a great fair trade cafe in Christchurch that donates all of their profits to the communities that supply all of their coffee in the first place (isn't that freakin' awesome!??) and have some breakfast. It was still early in the morning and the whole process happened much faster than we had expected.

When we pulled up I noticed my leggings were soaked in blood. Oh oh. I got out the truck and gush. Blood. Everywhere. I dashed into the cafe, desperate to get to a toilet. It was aweful.

We made it back to the hospital where they quickly readmitted me and helped me clean up. Graeme dashed home to get me clean clothes. I had to sit on a big pad so they could measure how much blood was coming out. I could hear them on the phone "You have to come now, she's loosing too much"

Graeme was there. I felt dizzy and faint. I passed out, and then Betty was back in my face "Betty!" I was happy. She's nice. Graeme kissed me goodbye (Betty told him he could) and I was in a room signing consent forms and being asked if I could put my bottom teeth infront of my top teeth. I was told to open my eyes, Betty was next to me hand in hand again, and then I woke up.

A doctor was standing next to me and I found myself half way through a sentence telling him that my husband probably made that plastic wind-chime above my bed. "You know those flashing dairy signs? The ones that say open? Yeah. They actually import those" The doctor walked away. There I was, spilling my husbands biggest secrets.

The dramas were over. I was fixed up. What was so simple turned a little complicated, but doctors and surgeons are really good at their jobs. I am very very sore today so I will be resting.

Graeme spent the whole day looking after Camilla, she ended up missing out a milk feed because I was away but she coped really really well, as did Graeme. I'm so proud of them both :) Graeme is a great Daddy. Last night while he was feeding her dinner I heard him say in the kindest voice "You have to chew it nice and big baby" as if she understood. I mentioned it. "I think she can understand" he said. Urg, you are so kind!

I feel a bit silly posting this:
1) this all may be an overshare.
2) There are people going through much scarier things.
3) Its not really that huge of a deal. I posted on FB yesterday that I had been in hospital, people jump to such conclusions when you mention the H word. I am not sick! I am okay :) However, this is my blog, and this is a big deal for me this week.
4) While at the hospital I desperately wanted them to know that I had never been before. They all knew I had a baby, random nurses would pop in and tell me how cute she was, but I found people were assuming I her there. "What hospital did you give birth in?" "How long did you stay here after birth?" "Did you have any pain relief during your labour here?" . "Actually, I had a home birth" I said, swelling up with pride.

This may not actually make sense. I'm a little doped up on codine, the good stuff.

Thank you so much to those who text me saying they were praying for me. I read those just as I was rushing back to hospital. They helped :)

A Fast Birth

A momentary glace at each other showed me everything; they were nervous.

I had to know, "Whats wrong?" I breathed.

"Nothing, nothing..." They both chimed back in unison. Something was definitely wrong. I could see it in their concentration. The happy lines on their faces had hardened. These ladies had seen the greatest and worst moments that life has to offer and right now they were preparing themselves for what lay ahead. I felt it.

I looked next to me at my worried husband. His worry was different, it was a natural concern as he looked on his wife and his future. Unlike my two ladies, his eyes spoke to me. They were deep and full of love and yearning; bloodshot and welling up with tears.

"Why are they lying to me? Whats wrong?" I asked him directly with a hiss in my voice. He looked confused. I knew he didn't know.

"Sophie. We have to get this baby out right now. I need you to give me the biggest push you have. She has to come now" I was told by my midwife. Usually so happy and chirpy now she was laying down the law.

This was the time to listen and do but I was confused; half an hour earlier she had told me when we got to this moment I would need to pause and stop; I would need to hold my baby in, breathe, relax and fight the temptation to push. The baby would need time to rotate her body so that she could be birthed. All of a sudden there was no time for that essential part of the process? I was confused.

I dug deep inside myself as the contractions took over my being. They controlled me now. They had won. This baby was coming.

I pushed. I pushed. I pushed.

"Sophie, this baby needs to come now. I need a really big push!"

"THESE ARE BIG PUSHES JANINE!" I yelled, staring straight into her eyes. Who was she to tell me that I wasn't pushing hard enough? I had my foot on her shoulder and I pushed off her, straight into the wall behind me. I realised I could go much much harder and I gave it everything. In those moments who knows what I could have achieved if I was not limited to my own bedroom. With that adrenaline I could have ran up Everest, lifted the Titanic from its depths, stopped an earthquake it its tracks (or created one). Instead I was doing the greatest thing I have ever done.

I gave birth to my little girl in one quick second. She wasn't there and then all of a sudden she was. Bright pink and sticky white. She was scooped up and placed on my bare chest. She let out a little newborn cry and I couldn't believe my life. This. Perfection. Love. Life. It was all too much.

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I was later informed that the midwives thought Camilla's head was actually her umbilical chord. They couldn't find a heart beat so I had to change positions to be bum down (the hardest position to birth in). A heart rate still could not be found so I needed to get her out. Now. No dawdling around.

Following the birth it was apparent that Camilla just had a particularly squishy head and for whatever reason her pulse just wasn't to be found. She was perfectly happy and healthy. However my fast birth caused ripping which later was not stitched correctly. I was left with a large amount of skin that hangs and connects to nothing.

While medically I am in a fit and healthy order it still doesn't make me feel particularly good on the inside and over time is slowly getting worse. This Friday I am going into hospital to have it cut off.

A part of me feels like this is some dirty secret that I am revealing. I suppose it is a bit (a lot) personal but it certainly isn't dirty. These are the results of a fairly normal and natural birth and like stretch marks and wobbly bellies that you can't fix, this can be fixed, so I am having it done.

I've never been in hospital (if you don't count this little incident) and I am thoroughly nervous.

I don't regret the birth I had or my midwives instructions. She was protecting me and our baby and looking out for our best interests, at the time we did what seemed right. I am also thankful to every medical professional I have spoken to about this. I was worried that no one would take me seriously and tell me its not a big deal "Just one of the results of childbirth. What? Did you think it would be a walk in the park?"(No, they never said that but it was always the reaction I expected), thankfully all have been very encouraging to have it righted and made the process very easy.

Wish me luck :)