A Time To Forget

I just read an update on one of my newest favouritist blogs, Faery Sarah. She's preggo with her second and is at 36 weeks. You can read her post here.

I remember being 36 weeks. Just. I remember the weekend I blogged about. I remember sitting in the sunshine and thinking that it would be soo long until we had our baby, I remember the raspberry and coke, playing pool and rubbing my belly on the table. But I don't remember the pregnant part.

The all-day-sickness that left me in bed for days is just words on a screen now, barely a memory. The kicks, punches and heels in the ribs are a distant thought and the hiccups I can barely imagine now. I do remember long hot showers every night, rubbing my belly before I got into bed and feeling such love for someone I had never met. I do remember Graeme stroking, rubbing and touching my belly and speaking to our Little One. And I do remember thinking he would be the best Daddy ever (I was right).

It's only been just over a week but I hardly remember being pregnant. I remember events surrounding the pregnancy (like the showers and the kind words and the rubbing) but not the actual pregnancy itself (like what it feels like to have a baby turn around inside you, or be able to tickle her feet from the outside and feel her squirm).

I still remember the birth. But I know those memories will also fade (I should really get writing).

And that makes me sad. In all honesty. I'm so so so glad I blogged every week with what was happening at the time. One day soon I'm going to go back and read through my whole journey.

I know that these days are short. We had another little bubba (7 weeks old) come visit us today and I couldn't believe how much he had grown since his birth. He was a little (cute) monster next to Camilla.

So, these days are short and mostly sleepless and tiring, but I am determined to enjoy them for what they are. I love love love morning cuddles in bed when the sun is streaming in, I love the cute little hiccups (and can't believe she used to do those inside me!!!) the sneezes are adorable and her little toes look like tiny gummy worms.

I know I can't get this time back.. I am determined to enjoy it, even at 3am.

Sweet Dreams

Thank you everyone for your super awesome comments on this blog and facebook and emails into my inbox. You are all seriously so loving and generous and my heart is warm because of them.

At 10am this morning we had a 3 way cuddle and said 'see ya later' to Graeme who was off to work for the afternoon (he usually starts at 7.30am). I cried and Graeme cried. The only one who didn't cry was Camilla (phew).

We have had todays midwife appointment and now we are left alone. Camilla is konked out ontop of our bed and I am about to do the same.

We miss Graeme.

Sweet midday dreams <3

To Our Fathers

Dearest Graeme,

My love for your has grown tenfold in the last week. Seeing you so gentle and affectionate with our daughter makes my heart overflow. Nothing could have prepared me for watching you turn into a father and a man. I am so proud of you. Thank you for putting us first, burping at 3am, driving cautiously and letting your heart melt for our Little One.

The last week has taught me so much already and I truely value your role in our family. A father is a one of a kind responsibility and I know you will do it to the very best of your ability, because that's the sort of man you are.

Thank you for serving, protecting, providing and loving.

Love, Sophie and Camilla xxx   x

Dearest Father in Heaven,

Tears poured out today as I considered how much you have blessed us. Thank you so much for reaching out and saving Graeme and I from ourselves. We both need you so much and you extended your Grace to cover us. How blessed were we!? And then, you go and gift us Camilla to raise and look after for you. What. A. Privilege.

I don't know what we did or who we are to receive such a gift. Thank you that you are a generous father who looks after his children. I don't know how we are going to parent and be a good Mother and Father to your precious daughter, but I do know that we can do anything with you. I feel completely at ease knowing that you are in our lives.

I pray everyday that we could raise our family to love and know you, just like we do.

I really can't thank you enough. You have completely transformed our lives and I have no idea where we would be without you. Thank you for being the perfect Dad.

Love, Sophie x

Dear Baby, 39 Week Update

Dearest Little Lady,

Its your "Due Date" in one week. Where did time go? Its so hard to think that at any time we could have a little baby. We are so prepared for your arrival, we have everything! The grocery shopping has been done, the pool has been tested, there are a few frozen meals in the freezer and all the washing has been hung on the washing line!

It is such a beautiful day today. A good day to be born I tell your Dad as we left home to do a few errands today. He laughs as I say that most days.

Dont be long little one, I love you.

Mumma xxx

[photo credit goes to my Mother who took this a few weeks ago]

If I had of written this last Saturday (39 weeks) I would have told you all about how I was up into the early hours of Friday night feeling "funny". Emotional and fidgety. We had friends over and I was up and down up and down all night, I couldn't sit still. I even cleaned the toilet while they were here.

If I wrote this last Saturday I would have told you about how I thought I might have gone into labour that night (Friday) and that I went to bed excited expecting to be woken up with contractions.

I may have even told you that I had a very very mild bleed and ended up paging my midwife for the first time ever that afternoon. She told me it was nothing to be concerned about and could mean a whole variety of things. I still felt restless, so I went for a walk.

This is where my "39 week update" would turn into a birth story. 

Hypothetically, If I had of written this last Monday (which I did intend to) I would have told you about my midwife appointment and probably told you how ready I was for this to all happen. Maybe.

Well, I made it to 39 weeks and one hour. Technically.

I keep trying to write posts to tell you all how amazing it is to have our baby here in our arms... How much of a joy it is to hear her squeak from her basinet... But really words don't suffice at this point in time. I thought instead I would work methodically through the time of events and try and express them as I originally felt them rather than in hindsight.

Tomorrow would have been my due date, I feel kind of funny bout that.

[Side note: Just as I went to hit "done" I got projectile vomited on. It was so impressive!! I never thought I could be so excited about poos and sick!]