Moon Gazing :: A Note to My Children

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Dearest Children of Mine,

This week your Dad and I sat up late at night, staring out our window watching the bright moon change colour. It was absolutely beautiful. 

We felt like such oldies, taking the time to stargaze. We joked about Googling something, "Do young ones still use Google these days, love?" "Whats a Google?".

But, I hope that you'll always find to look up, into the nothingness and everythingness that is our universe. She's big, but somehow that makes me feel big too. Not little or insignificant like you might presume. Instead it makes me feel loved, and special. That in all of the years, and all of the people, God knows me, and you. It's pretty incredible, really. All of that everything only makes me believe more. 

I hope you'll find some comfort in that too.

Love, Mumma and Mimimimi.

xxx x

Dear Baby Moo2

Baby Moo2's first outfit

Dearest Baby Moo2,

It's 7.30pm on Saturday the 8th of June. You are "due" in a few weeks and I'm sitting here alone, watching Finding Nemo, eating my way through a box of scorched almonds and crocheting you some bunting.

I thought it was about time I wrote you a letter. So first, an apology. I'm so sorry I haven't written sooner. Its not that I haven't wanted to, or have had nothing to say, nor are my lack of published words any reflection on how your Daddy and I are feeling.

We cannot wait to meet you!! I guess being a second child you are more of a reality already than our first. We know the amazingness already of having a child. We know how you grow inside, and when you birth how much of a complete miracle and instant love it is. We're still in awe of the whole process, but this second time around has been more of a time of connecting with you, appreciating and being content rather than frantically learning everything there is to know about growing a baby. We're much more focussed on you than the process.

Your Dad and I feel very content about you. From the moment we found out, it just all made sense. Of course you would be part of our family, how could you not be? The news of your existence just made sense. We are so excited to meet you, this little girl, who has already just fitted in with our lives so perfectly. I couldn't imagine life differently. You feel so real already.

You have been just like your big Sister so far, all of the signs and symptoms of pregnancy, it all feels rather deja vu. At the same time I am so aware of how unique you are. God's been knitting you together in your quiet place inside. I love that you can spend time together before we get to meet you. I pray you would always know each other.

Hopefully you'll be arriving some time soon. The basinet has been made up, your clothes have been washed and folded, today we swapped our bedrooms around in our little home, it was hard work, but it was worth it. We're preparing a place for you.

I've been a little sick recently, so tonight is a night of rest for me, but I hope you are still getting all you need to be big and strong. Even though I am SO eager to meet you, you just take as long as you need to be as healthy as you can be. I'll do the same!

Stay safe little one. But we're ready. We're so ready to meet you, precious.

I love you.

Mama xxx

Why I Love Your Daddy Even More

[I found this blog post in my drafts folder, originally written on 23/11/2011, I thought it was high time I published it unedited]

I love your Daddy even more now because he has grown into a new man since you came into this world.

Your Dad is a provider and a carer. He works hard with a smile to give us the life we have and when he comes home he has even more smiles to give us. They are never ending, just like yours. You light up when he walks in the door, he comes straight to me for a kiss, and then he is totally focussed on you.

He spends so long making you smile and giggle, doing the booty dance, kissing your chubby cheeks, bathing you, dressing you, rocking and burping you. He loves you dearly and is so proud of you.

Every ounce of love he gives to you, my love for him swells by the pounds.

As your Mum he treats me so well. He often tells me how proud he is of us both and he helps me whenever I ask of him. He has been so patient with all of the changes that happen after a birth, is so kind to us, even at 3am, he cares for us so lovingly and gently

He is a really great husband and father. We couldn't have asked for better.

Dear Baby, 7 Month Update

My baby girl is 7 months old *wimper*

She is a little Super Baby, seriously. She is so quick to learn new things and is so far advanced beyond her months! She is crawling, sitting, pulling her self up, walking around furniture, practicing with only one hand, climbing up steps and saying "mumumumum" when she feels like it. Oh! And her first tooth is through!

She is very much like her Dad - capable in every way and loves all sorts of different foods. 

As soon as she began to sit up she also began to pull herself up onto furniture and stand. She's a pro now and can also navigate her way around to get where she wants to be. During our plunket catch ups she weaves between all the babies and finds a nice comfy head to sit on. All of a sudden I'm one of *those* Mums who don't watch their children enough! The other day we were having lunch with friends and I looked over and she was climbing up a set of steps! Oh my! I'm preparing for an early walker. My dad is making us a little fence to put infront of our main sliding door. She's fallen out once (no injuries!) and it wont be the first time for our little capable explorer!

She is still attached to me but she is getting much better as time progresses. It's nice though, knowing that I am needed. She is becoming more independant and I think that has a lot to do with her mobility. She is starting to leave the room that I am in and go exploring. I leave her to it most of the time because I know she's safe and I think its good for her. 

This Month we took our first plane ride with Camilla, she did really well and was easily distracted with food and her desire to sleep. Camilla also went to her first big concert, Taylor Swift. Camilla slept through most of the concert and when she was awake for the last few songs was happy to sit and watch. She was the best little baby at the concert and we are so glad we took her! This month we have really noticed that Camilla is loving music, she loves listening to the radio and TV and will make little noises at them, and gets very excited when her Daddy plays his guitar. At church she has been crawling up and standing infront of the stage and staring at the worship band. So sweet!

Oh yes - did I mention she's standing? Yes? Well, she's a pro. Oh, I already said that. Whoopsie.

When we went to Auckland she started sleeping through the night which was a breath of sweet relief. She continued it once we came back but this week has had a cold and has been coughing and waking up through the night. I dont mind though. Its the sweetest thing, just me and her in dark of the night as she rubs her wet nose into my chest and her little shaking hands clutch at my arms. *sweetness* I love capturing moments of her innocence. 

She is a quiet wee girl. She doesn't often make a noise and quite often I can forget she is around. She has just started to say "Mummummummum" which is the first sort of word she has pronounced. Apart from that she doesn't really say much except guttural type noises and grunts. She's not a babbler, thats for sure. 

I really can't express how much I love my little girl. She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I can't believe that God has blessed us SO much. She has changed us for the better and I know we will never be the same. In the last 7 months Graeme has transformed into such a caring and loving husband and dad and I know that love will only continue to grow.

My Sweet Little Milla,

You are a super baby! Your midwife called you that when you were born and they were words of life for you; You have taken that title and applied it to everything! You have turned into quite the explorer, eager to learn and grow, you are standing up, moving about and basically doing whatever it is you want to do! I'm certain you have been saying "Mum" this month, as well as waving. You are absolutely adorable!

And you know your Daddy? Well, you are his Little Princess. Before you were in our lives I thought your Daddy was the kindest man I had ever met, now I know how true that is! He loves to you teeny tiny little pieces Camilla. You melt his heart. When he comes home from work each night only you have his full attention. He cannot wait to have kisses and cuddles with you and you totally lap it up. You reserve your biggest smiles and giggles for after work time with Dad. He is so gentle with you, always careful of you banging your head and worried for your exploring, but at the same time he takes you on big adventures. He puts you on the skateboard and takes you for a roll, he throws you up in the air and you shriek and cackle with delight! You love your Daddy and your Daddy loves you. It is beautiful to watch you both grow in love for each other as you bond. 

Be strong little one,

Love, Mama xxx x

[You can read her monthly updates here]

Dear Baby, 5 Month Update

This month MiniMoo learnt to roll over, first from her back to her tummy in both directions. Since then she has managed once from the tummy to her back while I wasn't watching. She can swivel around in circles and can even push herself forward - not in a real crawl, but if I leave her to her own devices she can manage about a meter away from where I place her. We moved her into her cot this month and now that she's moving about I find her in many crazy positions, fast asleep. (and laying in the opposite way that I placed her)

She is super attached to us and doesn't often liked to be held by anyone else. Not even the grandies. She will drop her bottom lip while her eyes are searching for her Mama or Papa. Shortly after she will wimper and then cry until she is back in our arms. It fills me with so much joy to know that she likes us, and I love it when her little wet hands grip around my neck and her hot face burrows into my chest. Sweet peace.

She giggled for the first time this month. We were in an evening service at our church while our pastor was preaching. She was beginning to get restless so I turned her towards me and started kissing her open palms. She let out a little squeel of delight, Mr Moo and I looked at each other and then she did it. A full on beautiful giggle. One of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. We left our worlds and celebrated, while the rest of the church paused to take note of what happened (we were rather excited and loud). I took her into the parents room where she continued to giggle for me, my own private little concert. And since then, up until yesterday (some 11 days later) we haven't heard a single chuckle since. We have been working hard! Finally, the other day, I tipped her upside down and she giggled with surprise! AHhhh!! The best sound!

We started solids at 4.5 months and so far everything she has tried she seems to really enjoy. I thought perhaps it might help her spilling, but it didn't (I was also urged by her doctor to start as soon as I felt comfortable to because she has had a few problems with her digestive system). MiniMoo is a happy chucker, but from feed to feed she is constantly throwing up milk and at 4.5 months, on a day where it was everywhere and I had had enough, I bought some rice cereal in the groceries that night with high hopes. Oh well, life goes on, and she seems to love the food anyway. We have tried rice cereal, avocado, pumpkin, carrot, parsnip.

Our Maori Princess had a Plunket appointment this week where she was weighed and measured and is perfectly on track. We have been away with her twice in the last month and both times were cruisey as! She goes anywhere and everywhere still and I am so grateful for that :)

Dearest Milla Lala,

You have started to push yourself forward on the floor, not a real crawl, but real enough that you can move forward. Everyday I urge you to explore new things and new ways of living.  I am one of your greatest encouragers, "Go LaLa! Go!" I shout. I want so much for you to learn and grow and become a big strong girl, but at the same time I struggle because you are growing. Right before my very eyes. I look back on photos and I realise how little you were and I realise how big you are now and I think "where did that time go?" Honestly my love, you are a pleasure! You are the coolest little baby around, I think we are so blessed to have you, and also so lucky to have such a wonderful you!

I always hear of Mums saying to their teenagers "Well... I gave birth to you and changed your dirty nappy!" Its true, I did, but in the future I may also say "I was covered in your spew!" I'm sure one day I'll look back and laugh and be surprised with just how much spew I clean up everyday. At least its yours!

You have started out to be such a great eater and I am thrilled! You must take after your papa! So far you seem to have loved everything that has come close to your mouth. Rice cereal, pumpkin, parsnip, carrot, avocado. Long may it continue!

And my goodness, your first giggle is possibly the sweetest most beautiful sound I have ever heard. From now on I am praying our home is a place of laughter for you and your siblings to grow up in. Hearing your joy brings me so much joy and peace for myself. Bliss!

I love you Baby Girl. Completely.

Love, Mama xxx x

[[Before you ask, that beautiful wool blanket was knitted by my Mama. Along with almost everything else of the wool variety that you see on MiniMoo]]

[[Next time I have a child I will take photos with something in the frame to compare their size to so you can see they are growing. Lesson learned.]]

| 1 month | 2 months | 3 months | 4 months |

Dear Baby, 4 Month Update

I have teared up many times this week thinking of the leaps and bounds our little girl had made in the last month. All of a sudden she doesn't seem like a little new born any more, she has personality, and that scares me a little. I know from now everything is just going to go far too fast and I just need to enjoy every moment.

Camilla is very attached to us so if an unfamilar person holds and and she can't see us she will drop her bottom lip and wimper "maumm maumm", and if she's really terrified she will screw her face up and scream, real big girl tears falling down her cheeks. As soon as she is back into our arms she relax's and is completely fine. Its pretty sweet, and wonderful to know that she actually likes us and wants to be around us. A lot of people comment and say they can see we have a deep bond already. I put this down to many things. Home birth, weeks of skin to skin, lots of attention and physical touch, baby wearing, breastfeeding on demand, just to name a few.

She is a really good talker now, and when she gets on a roll she will have quite the conversation. At this stage I think her voice is quite softly spoken, but I guess that can change.

All of a sudden she is so much more co-ordinated and flexible. She can easily find things with her hands, grip them and pick them up, and she spends a lot of time holding onto her knees or her feet now. She hasn't lifted them up to her mouth but that will come with time.

The other day I was sitting with her and I suddenly noticed how much fluffy hair she has secretly grown recently!! She was born with a lot of dark hair all over her head but it quickly fell out only leaving a small mullet at the back. Suddenly, she has fluffy hair on top that is so much longer than what it was. The difference probably wouldn't be noticeable to the untrained eye, but it certainly is to me.

I guess the big news is that at 4 months and 2 days (on December 30th) Camilla rolled over for the very first time. It happened while we were having a lay in on our holiday. Camilla was wide awake on her back next to me talking away while I was dozing and trying to get a few more minutes of sleep. I opened my eyes and Camilla was on her side looking and me and then very very slowly she rolled over right onto her tummy!! She did it again the next day, and since then we haven't been able to keep her in the same spot! She is ready to move, and once again, my heart broke. My baby, the big girl. * sniff *

This week we also moved her into her cot, but I guess I should write about that in her 5 month update, as this is being posted a little late.

Dearest Camilla, 

You wont remember these months in years to come but I know that they are so important and they will help to shape you into the person you are when you are reading these. Right now you love us as much as we love you - completely. You only like to be held by your Dad or myself, and when someone else holds you, you cry and wimper until you are back in our arms. Its so wonderful to know that you love us.  

Right now in our city there are a lot of earth quakes and I really fear for your safety. I know that you completely rely on us and I promise we will do whatever we can to keep you safe and out of harms way. We've been living with them for a year and a half now and just when we thought they were over and we could move on they have started again. I really hope you wont remember them and they finish bothering us soon. 

Maybe that's why I was so scared when you learnt to roll over all by yourself last week. I knew I could no longer pop you down in a safe place and know that you would stay there. You are growing up and I know one day I wont be able to protect you like I can now. One day you will make your own decisions and have you own way of doing things. Your father and I plan to prepare you for that day, but that doesn't make it any easier. You are our little princess. Our little baby. And you are growing up far too quickly. 

When you rolled over for the first time I was proud too. Scared, but mostly proud. You figured it out all by yourself! You are so strong and inquisitive. We were having a little sleep in while we were on holiday in Westport with Nana and Grandad. You were wide awake and talking away to yourself next to me. I happened to open my eyes and you were on your side and in slow motion rolled over from your back to your tummy. I was super excited and woke your Dad up. We both clapped and cheered and covered you in kisses. You haven't stopped rolling since!!

Thank you for being you.

Love, Maumm (sometimes when you cry for us it sounds like you're saying Mum :) )

pretty photos by my Mama

Dear Baby, 12 Week Update

Our little Babe is 12 weeks old! She is a healthy, strong, smiley wee girl with a soft spoken voice and the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen.

The jury is still out on who she looks like. Really, I'm not too worried, It's quite obvious she came from both of us. In my opinion I think she has my nose and eye colour and I think she has Graeme's eyebrows and mouth and she has Poppa Mutu's forehead :)

She loves seeing Graeme come home from work and instantly lights up and starts 'talking' at the sight of him.

She pokes her tongue out when you prompt her to, and if she is left alone on her tummy or on her back on the floor she can spin around in a full circle. She has almost rolled over a bunch of times too. I'm keeping my camera on record and very close to me!

She's almost growing out of her basinet so we're going to need to look at purchasing a cot soon, and this week I'll be rearranging everything so we're not using the change table. I think she's too big and too mobile for it now.

She likes tummy time and she mostly enjoys getting changed - she often smiles and babbles all the way through it.

We give her a dummy after most feeds because she's very spilly and can sometimes get quite upset when she's burping. A dummy relieves her straight away. Although, she has found her fingers so when her dummy falls out during the night she just starts sucking her 2 middle fingers. Graeme and I say she's rockin' and rollin'.

She now rubs her eyes when she's tired and I have realised she has quite a unique cry when it's bed time.

I don't know many children's songs so I end up reciting songs I do know. Mostly Michael Jackson and Queen. We also regularly play Christmas songs. I think she's a fan already!

It really amazes me how naturally life comes for little babies. You dont have to teach them how to smile or to grab things - they just start doing it. They are such sweet innocent little people.

Dearest Little Camilla,

You are 12 weeks old and you are already growing into such a sweet little lady. You have the sweetest smile that takes over your whole face. I was told by 3 different people yesterday that they couldn't stop looking at you during church because you kept on smiling and capturing their attention!

Right now you are so softly spoken, you make sweet little gahs or maa's. We like to turn your babble into sentences and figure out what you're trying to say. Your dad likes to offer you things to stop you being upset. "Hot dog?" he asks. It hasn't worked yet, you can't be bribed because we are your greatest joy. You love to be held, talked to, looked at. You are a little attention bug! When I'm holding you and talking or looking at someone else you make little noises at me to get my attention and when I look down you just smile up at me! 

These last 3 months have gone far too quickly. In another 3 you'll be eating solids and in your own cot. I wouldn't be surprised if you are crawling! I'm so proud of you for being so strong and healthy.

You make being a Mum so much fun, thank you! Long may it last!

Love, Mama xxx

Dear Baby and 8 Week Update

Camilla has grown in leaps and bounds in the last 4 weeks.

6 weeks really was the magic number as everyone had told me about. It was as if she was a whole different baby when she hit that milestone (some professionals refer to the first 6 weeks of their lives at the "4th trimester" and I totally agree). Every book, DVD and website will refer to "Surviving" until the six week point. Well, we made it! Once that hit she learnt to fall asleep on her own, smile, coo, be super baby at tummy time and stopped fitting her 'newborn 0000' clothes. She is so full of personality now and everyday seems to present something new. I really can't believe she has been in our lives for 2 months already. The weeks have flashed by! I feel as if spend my whole day communicating in 'baby talk' and trying to make her smile or coo - I'm so looking forward to hearing her giggle! She's such a sweet wee girl.

She's getting her [6 week] immunisations tomorrow (I know, we're a bit late). We decided to go for it because thats what felt best inside which is generally how I make most decisions. I'll be honest, I don't even know what they are immunising against so I don't know anything about them. I know a few of my readers aren't vax'ers so feel free to tell me about it.

She had a really big case of hormone spots which are apparently because of the hormones during labour. I wonder if she had a big case of them because my labour was so quick and full on?

Last update I mentioned that Camilla's Jaundice had completely gone, well, it hadn't. We have had a blood test done to see what's up with her liver and are waiting for the results. She also has a bit of reflux which I will be mentioning to the doctor tomorrow. I don't think its severe at all, but occasionally it really bothers her, and that bothers me.

We've given her a dummy which I always told myself I would never do, but as soon as we put it in her mouth for the first time and she sucked it back it was like pure relief.

This month Camilla has been learning to sleep and I think she is doing so well at it! She has regular naps throughout the day and is becoming predictable. I think I'm learning to read her tired signs better and giving her the opportunity to fall asleep by herself. I'm very thankful to all of my lovely Mama blog readers who gave me so many pearls of wisdom towards her sleep schedule and I think I may do a separate post about this later on in the week.

People ask me if I like being a mum and I wonder if they are just seeking reassurance that parenthood is a blessing. It definitely is. I feel so richly blessed with all the good that is in my life. Camilla is a joy to the both of us and we are so thankful for her.

Dearest Camilla,

You are growing up so quickly! You are such a smiley happy little girl with the biggest gummy grin I have ever seen! I love early morning smiles and cuddles with you when you are so content after a big sleep. I spend most of my days trying to entertain you and see you smile. Mostly I just need to know that in your short life you have had thrilling moments of joy and knowing you are happy ultimately brings me the most joy. Your real baby tears break my heart.

You love to stare at our series of black and white paintings of Jesus in our lounge and when you go to church you stare at the big writing on the wall. You are transfixed and can't take your eyes off them!

Your Dad is trying to teach you to poke your tongue out and you smile at him whenever he tries. Some times you actually do it as if you know what you're doing.

You are growing and turning into such a little lady, I'm so proud of you. I think you are just the sweetest, strongest little babe there ever was and I am trying to savour every day because they go by far too quickly.

I hope you are happy, little one, and I hope I am doing a good job of being your Mama. I really love you.

Peace and love always, x

You can read her 4 week update here

Dear Baby and 4 Week Update

Our Little Maori Princess is 4 weeks old today! 

Whaaaaaaaaat??!!

It feels like she has always been in our lives but it also feels like she just arrived yesterday. 4 weeks might seem like a long time ago but I have no idea where that time went. I feel like we have become 2000% more confident in being parents in the last 4 weeks and our love for her grows more and more everyday.

Camilla is doing wonderfully, she is putting on so much weight! She is growing double what is expected and is a "good amount". I have no idea what's in my milk but it must be pretty good! ;) She is almost out of newborn nappies - If I didn't have another 2 packs left I probably would have moved her up a size already but I'm determind to use them! She is out of "newborn" singlet tops but not quite big enough for the "0-3" month size.

She did have jaundice in her first week but she has well and truly grown out of it and now has quite dark skin (considering she has 2 very white parents). I think its the Maori blood coming through (from Graemes side) and I'm stoked. Maori Princess! I think she looks mostly like Graeme. Except for the nose, I think she has my nose. She has had hormone spots this last week but they seem to be getting better every day. Just a usual part of being a newborn.

Camilla is SO handsy and everyone always comments on it when they meet her (that and her super long fingers). She loves to play with her hands, wont stand them being swaddled or wrapped up and loves to have her fingers in her mouth, eyes, ears, up in the air... Anywhere really.

We call her forehead wrinkled "frinkles" when she's frowning, "spew head" when she's burping or covered in milk, and "lav lav" when she's had a bath or shower and its time for bed.

She's very physical touch and loves to be held, jiggled and rocked. I can only put her down for about 2 happy minutes a day before she wants to be held again.

She loves the car and will fall asleep at anytime of the day within a few blocks - because of this people who see her multiple times a week still haven't seen her awake yet. Same goes with the pram. She falls asleep easiest when she is jiggled and bum tapped and in someones arms on their chest. Some times she wont have a bar of her basinet and sometimes its late and just not worth the struggle trying to get her to sleep there so she ends up in bed with us. When she sleeps she makes super cute squeakie noises.

Yes, we are tired. It slowly eats away at you and then you realise how worn down and exhausted you really are. My mum surprised me this weekend and came over from the westcoast to help out. She bought homemade muesli, groceries and lots of love (and energy to cook and clean!!). That helped a lot. I'm really going to need to start prioritising my rest above other things - I think I've been trying to do too much and fit too many visitors, too much house work, craft, internet, friends into my days. I'm starting to pay for it with 2 infections and a cold in the last 3 weeks.

I am SO thankful for many things from this past month - Mostly to our family and friends who have surrounded us in love and support, our Church which cooked and delivered delicious hot meals for 3 weeks, daily visits which brighten my day, rides and pick ups for coffee dates with other babies and mums and of course all of your comments and emails, most of which I haven't replied to but I sincerely appreciate them.

Here's to another great month! 

My little baby is growing up :(

Dearest Camilla,

You are 4 weeks old today and are fast asleep on my chest. You nose is pushed right into me and you are making a squeaking wheezing noise. Its so cute. I could listen to it all night!

 It hasn't been long but already you have completely changed our lives. We are much better people because of you. In the last 4 weeks of your life I don't think I have ever prayed so intensely or been so reliant on God. In your first week of life I was overwhelmed with how innocent you were and how much you relied on our goodness. I realised that just like you, we rely on Gods goodness. We are nothing with out Him. Thank you for teaching me that. 

You are growing so so well, it wont be long and you will be smiling back at us, then you will be clapping, crawling, and then you Dad will be walking you down the aisle. That is really how quickly time seems to be going. 

You have been showered with love an affection these last 4 weeks. I know you are in a loving community of family and friends and I'm so pleased to raise you amongst such wonderful people. I love the village that surrounds us!

Stay happy little one.

Love, Mama. xxxx

[If you would like to leave a comment with a question (about anything) I would happily answer them honestly on the blog. You can use the "anonymous" option if you would prefer, or you could email me on sophieslim@moo2.co.nz]

Dear Baby, 39 Week Update

Dearest Little Lady,

Its your "Due Date" in one week. Where did time go? Its so hard to think that at any time we could have a little baby. We are so prepared for your arrival, we have everything! The grocery shopping has been done, the pool has been tested, there are a few frozen meals in the freezer and all the washing has been hung on the washing line!

It is such a beautiful day today. A good day to be born I tell your Dad as we left home to do a few errands today. He laughs as I say that most days.

Dont be long little one, I love you.

Mumma xxx

[photo credit goes to my Mother who took this a few weeks ago]

If I had of written this last Saturday (39 weeks) I would have told you all about how I was up into the early hours of Friday night feeling "funny". Emotional and fidgety. We had friends over and I was up and down up and down all night, I couldn't sit still. I even cleaned the toilet while they were here.

If I wrote this last Saturday I would have told you about how I thought I might have gone into labour that night (Friday) and that I went to bed excited expecting to be woken up with contractions.

I may have even told you that I had a very very mild bleed and ended up paging my midwife for the first time ever that afternoon. She told me it was nothing to be concerned about and could mean a whole variety of things. I still felt restless, so I went for a walk.

This is where my "39 week update" would turn into a birth story. 

Hypothetically, If I had of written this last Monday (which I did intend to) I would have told you about my midwife appointment and probably told you how ready I was for this to all happen. Maybe.

Well, I made it to 39 weeks and one hour. Technically.

I keep trying to write posts to tell you all how amazing it is to have our baby here in our arms... How much of a joy it is to hear her squeak from her basinet... But really words don't suffice at this point in time. I thought instead I would work methodically through the time of events and try and express them as I originally felt them rather than in hindsight.

Tomorrow would have been my due date, I feel kind of funny bout that.

[Side note: Just as I went to hit "done" I got projectile vomited on. It was so impressive!! I never thought I could be so excited about poos and sick!]

Dear Baby, 38 Week Update

Dearest Babe,

Last week we had our second snow dumping this year. I was house bound for days. This week we seem to be having a heat wave - beautiful 20 degree weather. I have all the windows and doors open and the sun is streaming in. I'm planting flowers for you next week. I have the seeds and the soil ready to go. I want to show you what beautiful things can come from almost nothing!

Every night your Dad kisses my tummy and asks if you want to come out and play with us. You haven't yet, so I guess that means you're not ready. One day soon you'll answer your Daddys question and come out to play!

Love, Mumma x

38week + 6day belly. Some people say that's my pressure valve sticking out - I think its my eject button.

I had a midwife appointment this week with my back up midwife. I met her for the first time and she was lovely! She seemed young (in a good way) and very down to earth. If my midwife has scheduled time off (she takes every second weekend off) my back up Wifey will step in and deliver. If I have a homebirth she will arrive in the last pushing moments to assist my main Wifey and lastly if I have a hospital birth and my Main Wifey is available then I probably wont see her ever again. 

Back Up Wifey was lovely. She had handmade socks on which I admired and told me all about her mums new pattern for them she had created so they didn't bunch around the ankle. Perfect. After I've pushed out the baby remind me to ask her for that pattern. Maybe it should go on my "Things to make sure of when Sophie goes into labour" list. 

The Babe has descended 2/5ths down into my pelvis, which doesn't mean much except that its an explanation for all the pain and cramps I've been having. Wifey could feel The Babes position - her spine was going up my left side with her bum sticking out around my belly button and her legs bent and heel sticking up into my ribs. Oh, and he hand was infront of her face. CUTE. It amazes me they can feel that much detail.

[EDIT: As of this afternoon The Babe did a big swivel sometime during a long walk, she's more in the center now with her legs kicking out the left hand side instead. It feels so different!]

Back Up Wifey: "Have you been having lots of practice contractions?"

Me: "None!"

Back Up Wifey: "Oh, well you're having one right now! See?"

Me: "Oh is that what that is!??"

Silly. Now that she pointed them out I notice I get them all.the.time.

I've vomited twice this week, both times came with a rush of excitement. Sometimes vomiting can be a sign of the body emptying itself for labour. No such luck.

As I post this we have 8 days until out Estimated Due Date. Everything is ready and I have a list of things as long as my arm to keep me entertained in the mean time. 

[QUESTION: Does anyone know how to relieve pain from nerves? I have 2 that keep popping and they are so uncomfortable! Sciatica which is starting in my bum and running up my back and another which starts right at the top of my left thigh and runs down the inside of my leg. Any positions or help? Please let me know!

Most of the time I just end up hopping around and wimpering/ gasping until Graeme reminds me to do something about it. Then I try a hot shower or a wheat pack but really I think they are more mental fixes - I don't actually think they help]

Baby, Where Did The Time Go?

Baby, we will be meeting you some time in the next 3 weeks.

You'll probably be reading these when you are my age - maybe you will have kids of your own by now, be married like I am, or just old enough to appreciate how loved and cherished you really are.

Its been 236 days since we first found out about you. Those silent days when you were kept our little secret, way back then you seemed like a reality that was so far away. We told our families and a few select friends about you and the news was met with tears of happiness, excited dances lots of happy clapping and shouting! We toasted to our future and enjoyed a period of being in awe while you grew secretly inside me, hidden from the outside world. 

You survived a big earthquake when others didn't and your Daddy looked after us. During that first night of aftershocks he layed on top of me and sheltered us. He took us to Auckland and kept us safe, and then on holiday to Australia so we could relax and spend time together. We were so blessed. Days and weeks went by without power or sewage and lots of dust. Friends and family look after us with hot showers, food and company and still you fought and grew. I was so worried for you.

One of your ultrasound scans came back irregular - you hadn't finished growing your spine yet. Silly me probably had the scan a tad too early, I was so eager to see you again. We prayed for you and decided to leave it at that. We really felt so out of control - there was nothing we could do so we tried not to think about it. A few weeks later I had another scan and you were perfect. And you were a girl. We were so happy!! Dad had his "girls" to look after now and he's been doing such a good job! 

Its been a long time since I've seen you on the screen but I've heard your heart beat so many times. Our midwife, Janine, always has such a big grin on her face whenever she listens to you. "She's so strong!" She says in response to your beating heart. You've kicked her in the head a few times when she's been listening to you or feeling for your position. I've stopped hearing you through the sonar, I don't know if you like it or not so I just choose not to. 

Your Dad has a story (I'm not good at telling it) but its of a reoccurring dream he used to have when he was young, and it sounds like just being in an ultra sound in the womb. It makes me wonder if somehow it was a real memory. It didn't sound nice anyway and it made me wonder what you thought about the sonar waves.

Anyway, time passed and we moved into a house on our own for the first time. Up until now we had always had flat mates. The house we are currently living in is such a blessing. Its so much bigger than we were looking for, much cheaper than the asking price, its warm and every room has all day sun. For now it's perfect. Since we've moved in I've slowly been setting up your bedroom. It's not fancy, but it will do. 

When you read this, ask your Dad about what we found in your first set of drawers when we bought them - see if he remembers!

We love living here alone. Just this week your Dad got home from work, put all of his things down, sat on the couch and said how good it was to have a place to "be". Just us. To do whatever, whenever. This is our space and we aren't taking it for granted. 

You made it through another set of reasonably large earthquakes and again without power and water (only for a day this time!) Thankfully, our new home is solid and we are safe here. 

We prayed for our health and safety, and made it through winter with nothing more serious than a 2 day head cold. Your Dad and I get quite ill every winter. I am so thankful that we were spared and I feel so looked after. 

We took a trip to Hanmer Springs with the Hawes'. Your Uncle Adam said to Aunty Tracey that he couldn't believe it was his little sister with the big belly at the swimming pools. He said the same thing when I was all dressed up for your Granddads wedding to Josephine (minus the big belly). Uncle Adam is so adorable with your cousin Shire. I know he will melt when he meets you (but not till after whitebait season!) I walked around the pool complex in my itty bitty bikini - I felt so big and I noticed everyones stares, but I didn't care. I felt so beautiful. I knew what was inside me and it made me so happy to show you off. 

We came back to Christchurch and endured 2 snow storms. I thought for sure you might arrive during the second one when I was snowed in and couldn't go anywhere. Trust you, I thought, to want a good birth story. 

Today we blew up the birth pool, fitted your car seat, tested the hose and tap connections and spent time with Nanny and Granddad Mutu. We are ready for this birth, whenever you decide to come!

Tonight I have been sitting on our couch working away on my Cinderella cross stitch for you and your Dad has been playing his guitar in front of me, making up a new song, it sounds beautiful. I couldn't help but think how far we have come in the last 236 days and how much you have changed our lives. 

The days spent with you so far have been such a joy and they have gone by so quickly. You have been my little girl. Soon you will be apart from me and I will have to share you with everyone else. With Dad, your Grandparents, our families and friends. I want them to meet the girl who has changed me so badly, but at the same time I want to keep you close so I can protect you. 

It blows my mind to think that we will have a daughter sometime in the next 3 weeks. I couldn't feel more prepared and more reliant on those around us. We have never been parents before, everything will be a learning curve. I'm sure we will make mistakes and in hindsight could have done things differently or better, but know that every part of us loves you and wants the absolute best for you. We are waiting with eager anticipation and can't wait to meet the little girl who has already been such a blessing to our lives. 

I know these 3 weeks will fly if they are anything like the last 9 months. Enjoy them while you can because its a big loud world out here filled with snow, earthquakes and lots of pretty things too. I can't wait to show you the daffodils that are blooming. 

Smokes and Pee; 37 Week Hilarity; Dear Baby

I was out waddling walking the other day in all of my 37 week glory when I was stopped by a fellow female and asked if I had a spare smoke for her. I cackled laughed and then carried on my merry way. Looking back now I suppose it was probably rude that I didn't even answer her, I just cackled laughed and kept walking.

But really. Not even if I had a cigarette for her to have - as if I might just have one in my sweatpants. But that I might have a "spare" one. One for me and one for her. That sort of dealio.

Also, I pee'd myself this week. Not just a little like can some times happen if-you-sneeze-or-laugh-too-hard-pee. Like actual, on the ground pee. Pregnancy is so glamourous.

This has probably been the most entertaining week yet!

Speaking more practically, I'm still experiencing the cramps I mentioned last week and 2 nerves have been ready to 'pop' all. the. time. One running down the inside of my left leg and the other running up the right side of my back. These make me jump up and do a little dance while rubbing myself and going 'oh! ah! ee! oooo!" Its probably entertaining to an onlooker. And Graeme.

It always surprises me how quickly I can get used to a new symptom. Last week I was begging anything that would listen to not have these pains any more but now I have adjusted and can do life with them. Since there's no baby in my arms I guess I really have no choice, right? I have discovered that taking a really hot shower really late at night helps. As does squatting on the shower floor while the hot water pounds my back. Also, going to the toilet whenever I get achy relieves some pressure and I have noticed whenever it gets worse I never want to sit down. I always seem to stand and move around. 

I thought our Babe might have arrived during our snowed in days, for the sake of a good story, no sign of her yet! As of this week I am officially "full term" (depending on what country you live in. Some countries count 38 weeks as Full). Meaning she has done all of her text book developing. I think the last thing to develop in utero is the sucking reflex so they can breastfeed when they are born. This comes in during the 36'th week (I think). So from now on she wouldn't need intervention and I would be safe to have her at home. At 37 weeks their growth begins to slow down a lot because the fluid in the womb lessons and the baby takes up a lot of space. Well, typically anyway :)

Since I'm full term I'm going to be closing my giveaway on Friday. If you want the chance to win a free print from Half Full Designs then click this link to submit your guess on MiniMoos due date. The closest will win!! :)

More photobooth photos to show you tomorrow!! How cute are these??

Dearest Babe,

When I was 15 I remember going through my Dads wardrobe to find something and stumbling across brown patterned cowboy boots. They had very very pointy toes and I think they might have been snake skinned. I. Could. Not. Stop. Laughing!!! I thought they were the funniest shoes I had ever seen. "Dad! You will NEVER wear these" I joked. They were straight from the 70's. "They'll be in fashion again one day!" He told me. I didn't believe him, Oh the hilarity! 

It turns out, years later, they have come back in fashion. He was right. What he used to wear as a young man was now "cool". I took this photo of your Dads shoes while we were at a birthday party this week. I wonder what you are going to laugh at us for? Maybe skinny jeans? Skate shoes? Chuck Taylors? Ballet Flats? 

Lesson learned - they will be back in fashion and one day you will realise we were (and are!!) cool too! 

Love you,

Mum xx

P.S - remember to enter the giveaway! :)

Dear Baby, 36 Week Update

This weekend I experienced a painful low pressure and aching along with the occasional "ouch ouch ouch" moment when anything moved inside me. It hurt and it made me walk like an elephant; swaying from side to side. Graeme had to be on hand to help me stand up and to lower me back down. This pain is still continuing now, but the ouchie moments are less frequent and come and go. It feels like she is trying to push herself out of my nether regions. 

At our antenatal class on Sunday our instructor joked with a twinkle in her eye that I had "dropped" and would probably be giving birth this week. Hilarious. 

I saw my midwife yesterday during our weekly appointments and described the discomfort and pain to her. She said that most likely the baby was engaging into my pelvis. She felt where the baby was laying (bum sticking out the the right side with its spine curved near my belly button) and said she couldn't feel the head. This either means she's fully engaged or not at all, apparently. (or our baby has suddenly lost her head (kind of like me this week)).

Not at all = exactly where I was last week, no biggie. But then what is this pain coming from??

Fully engaged = The baby is in position to be birthed. Waters may break easier as there is more pressure on them, but the baby could stay there for weeks and weeks. If she is in this position she is unlikely to get out of it because of my tight stomach muscles (yeyah)

My midwife did not seem to be concerned or troubled at all by this development (So I'm thinking our baby still has her head intact...) and said that she would try and locate her again next week. 

So, here I am in bed, the only place I seem to be able to have some relief from the pains, even though they kept waking me up during the night. Argh.

The trouble is, when people share what they are thinking you start to think them too. Before this weekend I was quite happy to wait another 4-6 ish weeks for our baby to come. I was content and feeling big but good. Now that the idea has been placed in my head that I might have a fully engaged baby I can't get it out! It's all I can think about. Every time I go to the bathroom I'm checking for some sort of labour sign. I know, I know, its really silly. I'm so annoyed at myself for letting these thoughts creep in early.

For those who might be confused, I am definitely NOT in labour right now. Just to clear that up.

What I am is frustrated. These pains could last another month or so. That would be super sucky. I really really really hope they dont. Either they go away, or this baby comes early. 

Any advice?

Mostly, this has just been a rant to vent my frustrations. I know there is no known answer to this. I am going to try and convince myself of that fact today.

Here I am in all my 36 week glory. 

We had Jelly Babies on the ride home from Tai Tapu. Looking down onto my belly, this Baby was in the same position that MiniMoo is in! Yum Yum.

Dearest Baby Girl,

This week you are either ready to be birthed, aren't ready at all, or you've lost your head. Suddenly, I'm hoping for the first option. I woke up in the middle of the night last week with the hugest urge to get clothes out ready for your arrival. I have the cutest warmest outfit picked out ready for your first day in this world. 

See you soon little one.

Ma x

P.s - Have you entered my giveaway yet? Guess the Moos birthdate and win a print from Half Full Designs! :) Click here for deets (This post may or may not change your guess on the date! ;))

Dear Baby, Week 35 Update

Despite my clicking uterus, low iron and low blood pressure, this pregnancy is going along swimmingly. Infact, I had another midwife appointment this morning and MiniMoo actually performed (Like usual. She's so reliable!) and made a clicking // popping noise for the midwife. She was so shocked and had never heard of it before! I assured her that google told me not to be concerned. Haha!

Time is ticking now and I am happy with how quickly things are moving. You can enter my competition to guess our baby's birthdate! Any ideas? Frankly, I have no clue. So no cheating!!

Dearest MiniMoo,

I get asked so often if your Dad is "excited" about your arrival. I want to be the first one to tell you that he can't wait! Seriously. He talks about it all the time. He sends me emails with nappy specials and birthing pillows and takes time to learn how to care for a new born. He jokes that you will be the coolest (you will be) and will kick all the other babies bums! 

Every night he takes time to talk to you through my tummy. Mostly he just makes different noises and pushes you in different places to get a response. You kick back for him and then he says "Hey Squirmy Wormey" over and over again. It sounds like a song and he sings it in a really high voice. Then he kisses my tummy over and over again. I call it our three way cuddle. Its so sweet. 

Your Daddy is already showering you with affection and I know when you come he isn't going to be able to stop holding you! He loves cuddles. You are going to be his little cuddle princess! 

Your Dad is super excited to meet you. He's even been writing his own letters which you will read in your scrapbook we are making you.

Love, Mama x

Dear Baby, 34 Week Update

I'm so close now. We have been given a list of things to gather for our intended homebirth. Hosing, sieves, buckets, towels. The procrastinator in me thinks a hospital birth would be far more convenient, but really its just a little extra effort and forward planning for a whole list of benefits. Must get onto that list. 

I now officially feel as if we have everything we need for our daughter to arrive. She has all of the new born - 6 month old clothes she could possibly need. We have a small stack of nappies but the supermarket isn't too far away. We have a bassinet on the way, but really she could sleep in our bed or in the washing basket if she needed to and we didn't get it in time. We have sheets, blankets and shawls. We have a few toys for her, but our faces will be all the entertainment she'll need for the first while. We still have a list of things "to get" on our pin-board but mostly they are unessential. A child can survive off milk, love and nappies. Anything extra is just more convenient for us. So, Baby Girl, we are ready.

Speaking of Baby Girl, I have discovered I have entered into a new phase of peoples comments; the "what if...'s"

What if she is really a he? What if you don't have a home birth? What if there's an emergency? What if she's huge? What if you aren't growing enough? What if she has red hair? What if she comes early? What if she comes really late? What if you can't breastfeed?

Believe me, I've thought of all the scenarios. You don't need to ask them.

34 week belly in the snow! +  super warm knitted sweater from my Mama. My hands disappear in snow!!

Dearest Camilla,

In life you will be given many titles. You might feel as if they define who you are, but they don't. You could be a Miss. Mrs. or Ms. An accountant, astronaunt, politician, vetenarian, artist, musician, scientist. People will ask what you 'do' and when you go through highschool you will spend hours pondering the 'doing' that needs to be done.

I wish you all the success in life and I will be praying that whatever path of 'doing' you are on it is one you are passionate about and love and I will be so proud of you. The world really is your oyster. 

I can't teach you what you want to do. That is something you have to find on your own but it is not the fulfilment in life. I will be mostly praying of who you will 'be'. I hope that your father and I can teach you and your siblings to be caring, passionate, loving, thoughtful, decisive, talented, intuitive, generous, joyful, peaceful and faithful, amongst other attributes.

Being is far more important than doing. This world is a beautiful place and your father and I hope to teach you and your siblings about living in it and enjoying life and being great citizens. We hope that whatever you 'do' you will do your best at, and whoever you will 'be' will define who you are. I will be so proud.

Love, Ma x 

Dear Baby, Week 33 Update

Braxton Hicks Contractions: Zero

Times I have Thrown Up: Zero (so super thankful for this)

Thoughts This Week: My baby girl is getting very very big!! She'll be gaining up to 500gms a week (half a Kg) her lungs still need a little bit of extra work so she would probably need help breathing if she was born now but aside from that she's pretty much good to go! My uterus is right up to my sternum now and under my ribs. This means everything that used to be in my abdomen is now squished up inside my rib cage and I can especially feel this in my stomach (acid gets pushed up my throat easily) and my lungs (easily get out of breath) and my heart (is it just me or is beating faster?). Baby can also kick my ribs which always makes me gasp in surprise. I've been in the Third Trimester for a while now but I feel like its just hit me - I feel like a whale, I waddle everywhere, I take three times as long to put on socks and I have been having a few afternoon naps. This is serious babymaking time and its also making me feel great (weird huh?). My skin feels soft, my hair is growing like crazy and feels healthy and I just generally feel very beautiful. I love to look at my bare tummy and I know I'll miss it when its gone.

LJ was born this week - he's a stunner! This is your Dad holding him for the first time.  I know for sure you will melt his heart when he meets you, he's a big softie and tissues will be needed! :) 

Lucy, LJ and you will be great friends! 

Dearest Baby Girl,

You continue to melt my heart and we haven't even met yet! I have never felt unconditional love like this before and I imagine its only a small picture of what God must feel for us as his children. 

I hope you grow up to be a strong young woman and are sure of yourself in God. Know that you are beautiful and you have a purpose. I can't wait to see you grow and flourish!

Love, Your Mama x

Dear Baby, 32 Week Update

[warning] This post contains so many collective thoughts. I don't blame you if you have no idea what I'm getting at. I'm not even really sure.


Braxton Hicks Contractions: One, although in the last few weeks I've had a couple of nights of very bad lower abdominal cramping - My midwife seems to think they're just serious Braxtons, however they have felt nothing like my experience with Braxtons so far. One of lifes mysteries I suppose. Praying they come to nothing and don't put me in early labour :) No need to feel concerned - I'm not.

Times I have vomited: A big. Fat. Zero!

Thoughts this week: Every emotion you have ever experienced I probably go through every single day. Life is a roller coaster but on the whole it is a positive one.  I am trying to get ready for whats ahead and have realised I have very little time left. Technically, 5 weeks until she is considered "full term" and then another few weeks until the "due date" however I am setting very little expectation on that date. She could be "ready" any time within those 4 weeks and I want to be ready when she does come. As little stress as possible - that's my aim. I want to be ready, food in the freezer, all my jobs and bits and bobs tidied and complete so I can sit back and play with some wool until she is ready.

A lot of people ask me if I'm big enough - yes, I am. All my measurements (fluid, womb size etc) are all hitting the mark in terms of my height and weight. She does however feel very very big inside me. Maybe this is that "uncomfortable stage" they say that is the third trimester. Perhaps it is catching up to me. My baby feels like she is ready. Some times she sticks right out the side of me if I am leaning forwards slightly and I can actually cup her in my hands. Its too hard to put socks on, or to do up my shoe zips. Its hard to get off the couch, and if i'm lying on the floor I need Graeme to lift me up. Some days its very very hard to put on proper pants. I wish pj's were fully acceptable in all public areas.

Last night I dreamt I gave birth to a toddler. She was huge.

Despite all of this, I still think I would rather be a pregnant woman that having to be a supportive man. He tells me I'm not, but I always feel like I'm complaining to Graeme. There is always something hurting, or uncomfortable, or something that I fear and want to talk about. There is always "something". Thankfully, Graeme is super patient and doesn't let on any frustration whatsoever (if he does have any). I also think I would rather go through the labour than have to watch it and feel helpless. There does seem to be very little a support person can do for a labouring person (other than encouragement and practical things like massage). A few months ago Graeme had to get one of his teeth broken and extracted at the dentist. I was in the room with them because it was late at night and it was just us in the surgery. I held Graemes hands as he squeezed them with pain. Blood was spraying from his mouth and hitting is glasses and I could hear the tooth being smacked and pulled. A single tear escaped the corner of his eye. It was aweful. I felt sick to my stomach and I really didn't want to be there but I was compelled to stay to support Graeme. Afterwards I even said that I didn't expect him to be at the labour after I had endured that and not been able to help. Support people have it tough and I am often aware of how kind and good Graeme is to me.

Thats you with Baby Bruce. He is ready to meet us at any moment! Whenever people ask me if you two will date I say you aren't allowed to date until you are 30. Don't worry, I'm only kidding though, I'm just trying to keep your options open! ;)

Dear Camilla,

Not long now and we will meet! Its a strange feeling really, I feel as if I already know you and yet there is so much more to learn. 

I hope you like family adventures! Your Dad and I love to go geocaching - you may not know what that is, but it takes us on regular adventures where we hunt down little things hidden all over the world. It sounds so silly to say it like that but most of our favourite memories are out and about exploring. When you arrive we can go on family holidays, trips to the beach, play backyard cricket, go skiing on the mountains and biking through the forests. The world is our adventuring oyster!

The country we live in is so so beautiful. We are so lucky to live here and although this past year our city has fallen in big earthquakes I still love it. It is home for us and when you are older it will be rebuilt and it will probably look completely different to what it does now. I hope to teach you about all the hard work that went into building our city. People joint together, they were strong and brave and persevered when they had so many reasons to pack up and leave. Through all of our adventuring we hope to teach you about this amazing country we live in and how lucky we are. 

Can't wait to show you around!

Love, Mum x