Human

Enjoying the sludge

These last two days I have been living radically, without a to-do list. Its insane, I know.

The sun has been shining, I have stayed in my PJs until lunch time, my brain has been winding down, feeling as if it should be doing something but with nothing pressing to do.

Lately its all been a bit of a mess, my brain and my skin (totally related). I've been having showers where I have been buzzing, going over and over what I needed to do when I finished rinsing my hair so I wouldn't forget anything, working late into the night only to go to bed with a disappointed husband because we haven't spent any time together. That "Goodnight!" with a disappointed "Oh..." in reply.

I get ideas, I can't help it, they just come at the most random of times, and I'll suddenly think "YES! Thats what needs to happen". Most of the time my ideas aren't for me, they are for someone elses adventure, I'll quickly email them telling them what they need to do. Probably, these emails could be quite offensive. I'm not sure. I have the best intentions behind them, trying to enlighten them to an idea they might not have had before.

Lately I have, unusually, been having a lot of ideas for myself. Most unusual. I set about to do them all with pages and pages of to-do lists. Lists for our home, receipes, The Sisterhood, blog business, craft, advertising, cleaning, church happenings.

I'll be honest, in a month of panic and stress I achieved most of the things on my lists until I realised that I didn't actually need to do them all.

Just because I have an idea doesn't make it a good one.

Just because I feel inspired doesn't mean it needs to be done then and there, it could be worked on, moulded, grown into something much greater.

Yesterday when I put the call out for a new Sisterhood LOVE BOMB I was excited. I felt like it was inspired, I had prayed and prayed about it, felt like it was the right thing to do (because we're doing it a little bit differently this time round).

Previously when I have put these opportunities out there I have been terrified that no one would respond and then I have instantly been surprised and blown away by the response.

Yesterday I went into this new Sisterhood opportunity with courage, I knew we were doing something amazing, knew God was with us, I had high expectations.

The response? A few blog comments and the birds chirping. Silence. Crap. What have I done??

Perhaps its because I put all of the information in the blog post? I gave out our address. Whereas in the past I said you had to email me for it. Maybe there was no need to respond...?

Why am I telling you this? 

You need to know I'm human. I jump into situations, sometimes they fail, sometimes my husband gets left to play the playstation all night, sometimes I doubt myself and everything I do.

I'm learning to say no to myself. I can say it to others but to myself is a different story. I'm learning to recognise when things are a good idea that will benefit me and my family. I'm learning to not abuse myself. To prioritise and be happy.

I am reminding myself that any response to The Sisterhood is a miracle in itself. We dont need thousands of responses, we just need one, and then its like Heaven came to Earth for a little while.

I am reaping the rewards of working hard and being organised so I can relax this week before my next two weeks are crazy busy (Sister visiting from London, bridesmaid, family birthdays etc) so I am enjoying each day without a to-do list, knowing I have already done the to-dos.

I am learning to push the stay-at-home-mummy-guilt aside and not over compensate with unrealistic goals just so I can be "busy" for "busy"s sake

Does any of this sound familiar for your own life? What have you been learning about yourself recently? Leave a comment below and let me know! I'd love to start this conversation!

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