My Expectations and Your Questions Answered

Are you getting any sleep?

I expected to get NO sleep. Seriously. I prepared myself to be like the walking dead so I have been pleasantly surprised with how much sleep I am able to get. Right now Camilla ends up going to sleep at midnight or there abouts, will sleep for 4 hours, wake up for a feed and some times a change, and then go back to sleep for another 3 hours. The trouble is just getting her to sleep pre midnight - by then I'm exhausted myself and my patience wains. Then I realise how tired I really am. It takes every last ounce of energy I have left to continue to be loving and patient.

Lately Camilla has been refusing to sleep in her basinet at night so she has been sharing the bed with us and only going to sleep while nursing. I've realised that this is just creating habits that we will need to break later on. I am really missing my own space in my bed and I wake up sore and cranky but she seems to love it. For some reason, just at night, she doesn't want to be in the basinet. Any ideas?


How Is Feeding Going?

First of all, I never expected to use the term "Just had a feed" or "put down" (when referring to sleep) but I do both of those now. Feeding has gone surprisingly well. My midwife said I should be the poster girl for breastfeeding! Woohoo!! Seriously, its mostly been Camillas awesomeness. She latched on straight away after birth and hasn't had any trouble since. I did get a minor breast infection due to a blocked duct, but I was able to clear it out myself using tried and tested midwife advice (heat the area, rest and empty the breast) and it cleared up quickly. Phew. Camilla is really spilly though which is my main hesitation when feeding in public. Sometimes she does huuuuuge projectile vomits that go every.where. Its really funny when we are at home and I can change both of our clothes, but its not funny when you're on someone elses couch etc. Camilla is packing on weight. She put on a whole pound in the last week and is gaining twice the expected amount. Despite the projectile vomits she's still getting more than enough nutrition.

I expected there to be a lot of milk and there is. There's heaps. I have no idea where it comes from! Actually, I would really like to learn. Does anyone have any good articles on milk production? It leaks at the most inconvenient times and when I go out I mostly always have a spare top with me to change into. Some days I just really need another shower because I feel like I'm covered in breast milk and vomit. I normally can't take a second shower though, that's a luxury I often can't afford!

Does breastfeeding hurt?


No. Not if it's being done right. It feels like tugging, pulling or flicking and will only hurt if the baby isn't latched on correctly or if you are damaged from previously not being latched on correctly (crackled or blistered nipples). Don't worry about it, its nothing to fear and is something you both have to figure out in those first few days.

I am really grateful that I am able to feed our daughter.

Don't you get grossed out by all the baby fluid?


There is so much fluid!! It comes from everwhere! Once while I was changing her and she had her nappy off she pooed, peed and vomited everywhere. It was hilarious... and gross. I thought I would be disgusted by changing nappies and had never changed a single one in my life. The first two were amazing and Graeme and I did them together. They stunk and I dry retched a little. Now I'm 10x faster at changing and don't even stop to think about what I'm doing. And yes, Graeme changes her whenever I ask him, a few people have asked me that.

I can understand how other people would be grossed out by her spilling on them - it is my breastmilk on their shoulder after all, but I barely think about it. Unless its curdled and has chunks in it ;)


How has your relationship with Graeme changed?

I wasn't really prepared for the change in our marriage. All of a sudden both of our attentions are on this little one and it takes an intentional effort to focus on each other. For now most of what we have to talk about is about her and for me especially, I struggle to come up with any other talking topics. Graemes a bit different though - he still goes to work, does music, hangs out with people so life hasn't really changed, its just been added to, but for me everything has been changed. Such is the role of a primary care giver I suppose. In the first week when it was just Graeme and I alone and the baby slept all day I was SO bored, we made a list of things we could do together with a baby so we can work through them. If you have any ideas let me know. Some nights it feels like I don't even see Graeme because I feel so preoccupied. I'm sure that will change soonish though.


Have I thought about immunisations yet?

I have done no research into this area yet and so far just going with how I feel (which is generally my tactic for most topics (such as "crying it out"). Immunisations make me feel a little uncomfortable at first thought. I'm kind of a nature nurture kind of girl, I think we were made a certain way and that's messing with our bios (although I'm not really hugely opinionated on it. That's just the first feeling that hits me). But then "what if". What if something happened and I could have had the power to stop it? The Meningitis outbreak in Northland for example. Tried and tested immunisations seem to be okay, but the new ones? Hmmmm....

On Adjusting To Life

Life is different now but still the same. I really have no idea how we will have a "routine" with a baby because our life is so unroutine. Most nights we have people over or we go out. We are very extraverted and social and staying at home to bath a baby and have her in bed by 8pm just isn't us. Going out right now during the day is quite tiring for me, mostly because I have to get her and myself all ready by ourselves and its usually during her sleep time - which could potentially be my sleep time (who am I kidding. I very rarely nap when she does). Some days the thought of just getting the pram out of her room is enough. Other days I jam pack everything in and can't wait to get out of the house.

At the weekend I was out shopping for nappies and I put down her capsule so I could look at the shelves. Suddenly I looked down the aisle and I realised she was 15m away. Seriously. I internally freaked. I had wandered down the aisle without realising I was leaving her behind. What if someone had tripped over her? Bashed their trolley into her capsule? Or worse, earthquake and shelf items had fallen into her? ARGH. Even just thinking about it now I feel like such a terrible Mum. What was I thinking? Well, I obviously wasn't. Suddenly I have this new person in my life and its taking some adjusting to get used to. Doh.

I still haven't cooked a dinner for us yet (if you dont count boiling pasta) - I dont really know how I'm going to. Time is just so messed up. I'll start a pot boiling and she'll want to be fed - or I'll heat a frozen dinner and she'll wake up just as we start eating. It's sooo frustrating. I am super duper thankful to the amazing ladies at C3 Church for cooking and delivering meals for 3 weeks after her birth. If you're pregnant, join a church, seriously.


Being A Good Mum


I'm sort of relying off everyones praise right now. You will have no idea how much it means to be told some one is proud of you and that you're doing a good job because you will have no idea how much you can doubt yourself and put yourself down when you are raising a little one. In the first week of her life when Graeme was home we made all of the decisions together "do you think she's hungry?" "Do you think we should turn the heater on" "Do you think thats normal?" but now Graeme doesn't see the day to day, its left up to me so when he comes home from work and I ask "why isn't she going to sleep" mostly he would have no idea. Purely because of time and attention I end up having to decide such little things and some times I don't feel qualified to make them. It means SO much to hear that I am doing well (even if the person doesn't know if I am or not) and that someone is proud of me.

Just so you know, I put Camillas top on back to front yesterday. I accidentally left her down a supermarket aisle when I wasn't within reach and one time we realised we didn't do up her capsule in the car properly. Things like that stay in my mind and I beat myself up about it, but at the end of the day its all a learning process. We've never had a baby before! Everything is new and we will learn.

I'm learning to leave my own expectations at the door along with everyone elses and maybe some day I will confidently be able make our own decisions, I know that no Mum is perfect.

**EDIT**

Where Antenatal Classes Helpful?

In the first day of Camillas life Graeme said "Hey! She's doing the mouth thing that Pam said! Maybe she wants food?" Oh yeah. Doh. My Baby needs to be fed. And she did, she did it exactly like our instructor showed us.

Also, we would have no idea how to bath her had it not been for the final class, and during labour Graeme reminded me how to breathe like Pam showed us and I remembered to keep my lips relaxed!

Thank you Antenatal!

A Smile To Start The Day

Whatever is a head of you today - whatever challenge, joy, love, loathe - do it with a smile. 

Life is much easier that way.

A New Calling For Your Stash!

You may remember my post about sending parcels to a whole community of Kids in Western Uganda. Well, I have all of the goodies to put in them, but now I need some help to package them up.

Actually, I need your help.

Time is limited with a newborn in my arms 24/7 and I know I will never get this done on my own any time soon, and I really do want to send these as soon as I can - maybe they will arrive in time for Christmas?

Here's where you come in. Would you like to donate some fun or colourful fabric from your stash? Maybe its even old kids sheets? Anything would be useful!

Want to help even further? You could sew up a few of these draw string bags to put all the goodies in. (in need of 20 total and they need to be able to fit an a5 inside with the string pull closed - that's all!!)

I know, I may sound cheeky, but I'm really hoping that some of my readers with closets full of unused fabric and time on their hands and a passion in their hearts to help might take up this calling and join with me. (I know you're out there!!)

Are you interested? Email me on sophieslim@moo2.co.nz to chat further about what we can do together.

A huge thank you to Posie who came up with the idea of putting every thing together in a bag - something to call their own and multi purpose! A gift. Just for them.

Ripple Revelio!

Wow. What a journey!

I started this Ripple Blanket approximately 6 months ago as one of my first Crochet projects! Initially I wanted to make a baby blanket but I used cheap acrylic yarn that was much too scratchy for a bubba so instead it turned into a lap blanket for those chilly movie evenings!

Finally, after months, it is complete! You can read about the start of it here and the half way point here

Specialis Revelio!

A big thank you to Lucy of Attic24 blog who once again provided great inspiration and an easy to follow pattern and tutorial.

The whole blanket took 8x balls of 100gm acrylic yarn and was really easy to do, I just googled each of Lucys directions and all of a sudden I had my first few rows. This was the best Ripple pattern I could find. After seeing Lucy's I did a bit of hunting online for different patterns and I discovered everyones ended up with big gaping holes on each of the ups and downs but Lucys avoids this! Love it.

The edges on my blanket are a bit rough - I didn't know how to neatly join new colours for the first half of the blanket but had it figured out by the last half. I would have liked to have put a border around it to try and neaten it up but I'm not that talented to make it up, and to be honest I'm glad to see the end of it. 

All done! Now I'm on to my next project... This Ripple needs a friend. More on that later! :)


** You may be wondering how on earth a mother of a newborn is finding time to crochet. Let me tell you, there really is 'no time' but I make it. Before when I had no job and no baby time was abundant and so was procrastination. These days if I dont make time and squeeze in as much as possible into my stolen minutes during the day nothing gets done. Yes, my hands are full and yes, I am busy. Don't be fooled.**

Monday Afternoon

 The 5 faces of Camilla within 5 minutes on Photobooth. Just a typical afternoon.

Hey, whats that? A computer! I want to play!

 I'm not so sure about this Mum...

... Muuuuuuuuuum!!!

Actually. Over it. I'm tired.

Sleep.

Peace

Dear Baby and 4 Week Update

Our Little Maori Princess is 4 weeks old today! 

Whaaaaaaaaat??!!

It feels like she has always been in our lives but it also feels like she just arrived yesterday. 4 weeks might seem like a long time ago but I have no idea where that time went. I feel like we have become 2000% more confident in being parents in the last 4 weeks and our love for her grows more and more everyday.

Camilla is doing wonderfully, she is putting on so much weight! She is growing double what is expected and is a "good amount". I have no idea what's in my milk but it must be pretty good! ;) She is almost out of newborn nappies - If I didn't have another 2 packs left I probably would have moved her up a size already but I'm determind to use them! She is out of "newborn" singlet tops but not quite big enough for the "0-3" month size.

She did have jaundice in her first week but she has well and truly grown out of it and now has quite dark skin (considering she has 2 very white parents). I think its the Maori blood coming through (from Graemes side) and I'm stoked. Maori Princess! I think she looks mostly like Graeme. Except for the nose, I think she has my nose. She has had hormone spots this last week but they seem to be getting better every day. Just a usual part of being a newborn.

Camilla is SO handsy and everyone always comments on it when they meet her (that and her super long fingers). She loves to play with her hands, wont stand them being swaddled or wrapped up and loves to have her fingers in her mouth, eyes, ears, up in the air... Anywhere really.

We call her forehead wrinkled "frinkles" when she's frowning, "spew head" when she's burping or covered in milk, and "lav lav" when she's had a bath or shower and its time for bed.

She's very physical touch and loves to be held, jiggled and rocked. I can only put her down for about 2 happy minutes a day before she wants to be held again.

She loves the car and will fall asleep at anytime of the day within a few blocks - because of this people who see her multiple times a week still haven't seen her awake yet. Same goes with the pram. She falls asleep easiest when she is jiggled and bum tapped and in someones arms on their chest. Some times she wont have a bar of her basinet and sometimes its late and just not worth the struggle trying to get her to sleep there so she ends up in bed with us. When she sleeps she makes super cute squeakie noises.

Yes, we are tired. It slowly eats away at you and then you realise how worn down and exhausted you really are. My mum surprised me this weekend and came over from the westcoast to help out. She bought homemade muesli, groceries and lots of love (and energy to cook and clean!!). That helped a lot. I'm really going to need to start prioritising my rest above other things - I think I've been trying to do too much and fit too many visitors, too much house work, craft, internet, friends into my days. I'm starting to pay for it with 2 infections and a cold in the last 3 weeks.

I am SO thankful for many things from this past month - Mostly to our family and friends who have surrounded us in love and support, our Church which cooked and delivered delicious hot meals for 3 weeks, daily visits which brighten my day, rides and pick ups for coffee dates with other babies and mums and of course all of your comments and emails, most of which I haven't replied to but I sincerely appreciate them.

Here's to another great month! 

My little baby is growing up :(

Dearest Camilla,

You are 4 weeks old today and are fast asleep on my chest. You nose is pushed right into me and you are making a squeaking wheezing noise. Its so cute. I could listen to it all night!

 It hasn't been long but already you have completely changed our lives. We are much better people because of you. In the last 4 weeks of your life I don't think I have ever prayed so intensely or been so reliant on God. In your first week of life I was overwhelmed with how innocent you were and how much you relied on our goodness. I realised that just like you, we rely on Gods goodness. We are nothing with out Him. Thank you for teaching me that. 

You are growing so so well, it wont be long and you will be smiling back at us, then you will be clapping, crawling, and then you Dad will be walking you down the aisle. That is really how quickly time seems to be going. 

You have been showered with love an affection these last 4 weeks. I know you are in a loving community of family and friends and I'm so pleased to raise you amongst such wonderful people. I love the village that surrounds us!

Stay happy little one.

Love, Mama. xxxx

[If you would like to leave a comment with a question (about anything) I would happily answer them honestly on the blog. You can use the "anonymous" option if you would prefer, or you could email me on sophieslim@moo2.co.nz]

Revelio Jar Cover!

Specialis Revelio!

Remember my pretty pretty yarn of which I had the fortune of having left overs!? Your suggestions were great and I finally decided to make a pretty jar cover.

I got the idea from the ever creative and colourful Lucy and her tutorial was easy peasy. If you're thinking about picking up a crochet hook this is a great place to start! 

So. I had a ball of pretty fabulous yarn in one hand, a hook in the other, a napping baby and a desire to make something purely for the fun of it. Not necessarily purposeful, but something I could keep and something pretty. Perfect!

I was surprised with how consuming crochet is, it used up pretty much the whole ball on this little project and I was expecting to get at least 2 covers out of it. Well, I am 'hooked' and I'll definitely be adding to my little jam jar collection in due time. Its unfortunate i'm not the greatest photographer and the lighting doesn't do it justice here!

A New Appreciation

I have a whole new appreciation for single mothers, and mothers with children and babies. Seriously.

I'm sick right now (just a cold, don't worry), Camilla's crying pounds at my blocked head and sometimes it feels like it's about to explode. It's such a relief to have Graeme around to do the caring when he gets home from work and I'm almost at the end of myself. I am so so grateful for a loving husband.

Single Mums - I don't know how you do it, but I hope you have amazing friends and family around you who can fill those gaps and you get a moments peace during the day. You are legends. Bless you.

Mums with lots of kids - I have no idea where you find the time or the energy. Perhaps it gets easier with practice and experience? Maybe its just one of those 'sink or swim' situations? Either way - I think you deserve a medal. 

Everyone else - Please look after our single mums and family mums. They are doing such an amazing job. Deliver dinner, do their dishes, buy them coffee, shout them something for 'them', ask how you can help... Or, just appreciate and know they probably have the hardest job around.

Yarny Ideas

I bought some pretty pretty bamboo and wool yarn this week. I used it to make some booties for my very last Stitch Africa order. I loved the way they turned out and i'm feeling inspired. I would love to get more and make something like this and especially this... Something bright and colourful. And something for me / us.

Any ideas?

A Cinderella Revelio!

Specialis Revelio!

After a 4 year work in progress I found inspiration for my lost Cinderella. In the last few weeks of pregnancy I actually managed to finish most of it, and spent my last day of pregnancy sitting in the sun in our lounge working on her outline.

As I went into labour and we cleared out the lounge for our birth pool I had to pack up unfinished Cindy and place her on our shelf. I apologised out loud to her (Cinderella) and Camilla for not finishing her by the targeted time (birth).

Last night while Camilla was sleeping I finished the last few lines and today framed it!! So... Ta-Dahhh! Can I hear a YAY!????

Camilla was quite happy with her book this afternoon but when it was replaced with her gift she wasn't so happy. Poor Baby.

Its a trackpants day around here for the both of us (except I don't own trackpants... But I have them on in my mind). Graeme and I are both feeling a tad under the weather. I feel a cold coming on and woke up last night with a sore throat. After a long winter with no sign of sickness I'm hoping this doesn't turn into anything!!

I hope you're all enjoying a sunny Friday!

Birthdate Giveaway Winner!

Congratulations to Stacey who guessed the closest birthdate!! 

Stacey has won this print from Half Full Design. 

Stacey, please email me on sophieslim@moo2.co.nz with your details
Everyone else, head over to Designs Half Full facebook page and order this print in A3 cardstock for only 5 buckeroos! Bargain!!

Note: I did have a few people guess closer birthdates on my Facebook page but I specifically said leave a comment on the blog, so sorry if you missed out because of that!! :(

Camillas Birth Story

Our first real life 3-Way-Cuddle

A lot of people have been asking me about Camillas birth so I thought I would write out a basic birth story for my blog, and a much more detailed one for my own personal records.

My labour was short. Probably too short for my liking if I'm going to be honest. I had been conditioned to believe that first time pregnancies take days and days of labour before anything happened. So, on Saturday night when my contractions started during a walk to the supermarket for chocolate I tried to push them aside and I kept telling Graeme and myself that labour can start and stop. We tried to watch a movie and got about half way through it when my contractions suddenly picked up.

We had a very fast home birth after a very short labour. There was no time for an exam to see how far along I was, so based off intensity I think I was probably in 'established labour' for 2.5 hours - maybe. I pushed for 30 minutes total.

Infact, it was so fast we didn't get time to fill the pool.

I went into shock a little bit when my contractions intensified. I fainted and vomited and there's a definite period that I just don't remember - Like how I ended up on our bed. In my head I was thinking that that intensity would be lasting for days and I didn't know how I could do it. Looking back I now understand that stage was my transition - going from labour into pushing. It happens to most women and they reach a point of "i can't do this" however, at the time I felt like a failure and I was really scared.

The midwife arrived in a hurry and shortly after I announced that I needed to push.

It was so instinctive. Nothing like on the movies where they instruct you when to push and how hard. My body knew what it needed to do and I was just along for the ride. I could feel everything.

I pushed. I pushed. I made a few jokes. I pushed. I will always remember the moment I turned and looked into Graeme's eyes. They were welled up with tears and so full of love.

Camilla came quickly in one big burst. Usually the head comes out and then there is a pause as the baby rotates so the shoulders can fit through. There was no pause and no changing position for us. I was told I had to get her out straight away so I did. She flew out and landed on the bed. Seriously. She flew. We went from seeing the top of her head (which was crazy!!) to having her in my arms in seconds. Graeme calls her the salmon, I call her our mermaid.

She was placed in our arms, sticky and covered in white vernix. She was as pink as a pig and our little princess. Absolutely perfect.

The next 4 hours flashed by as we enjoyed hours of skin to skin contact (a fantastic way to bond) established feeding (she latched on straight away and hasn't stopped since!) Was weighed (7 pound 6) and measured. The placenta was delivered. It probably took longer than it could have because I was exhausted. I was stitched up and paracetamol'd up.

I will always remember Graeme wrapping his arms around us and praying for us while the midwives were in our hallway. They could hear us and they waited, I so appreciated that. It was a beautiful moment.

Then, it was time for the midwives to leave and Graeme and I were tucked up in bed with our sleeping daughter between us, wrapped up in her wollen blanket. It was seriously perfect. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Giving birth is one of the most natural and empowering things I have ever done. Somewhere deep down my body took over and did what it had to do to deliver our daughter. The midwives were there to help and offer encouragement and a few tips but when it comes down to it, its our bodies that do all of the hard work. I'm sorry if you have not been able to experience that, I mean no disrespect, but want to express how normal labour and birth is. It should not be feared, horror stories should not be the norm. I think its unfortunate that the horror stories are the most common stories to reach your ears, especially when you are pregnant. Birth is natural, empowering and totally forgiving to your body and mind. Women have been doing it for centuries.

Graeme was my main support person and he was everything I could have wanted him to be. He took a little straight talking in his stride (At different points I told him I hated his iPhone, not to touch my legs and that his soothing voice was pi**ing me off!!!!) He was my rock. We also had 2 other girl friends arranged to be support - one arrived just as I was about to start pushing but missed the birth and the other due to a whole lot of hastiness and confusion didn't arrive until after. I think I'll always regret that somewhat. My support people were invaluable to me and we couldn't have had the birth and care we did without them.

Finally, on home birth; Aside from the fact that we would not have had time to go to the hospital and had planned a home birth anyway, I wouldn't have it any other way. It was so indescribably comforting to be labouring in my own home, not have to get into the car (how on earth do people do that!!??) and to be made toast and milo afterwards by our support people. I loved falling asleep in my own bed and waking up to Graeme (definitely couldn't have done that in hospital) and all of my comforts. Almost everyone who came to visit in the following days said how much of a "love nest" it was. It was warm, dim, and we were able to stay in bed together for most of the following days while we recovered and bonded with our daughter. I will not think twice about planning a home birth for our future children.

Thanks for reading. I hope I didn't share too many details but just enough to satisfy your curiosities. I'd like to empower and encourage you too, so if you have any questions or would like to know more details please just let me know. Email me on sophieslim@moo2.co.nz :)


Extras for the Interested:

As soon as labour picked up and we couldn't fool ourselves into thinking it would stop we tried to take a baby in baby out (like here and here) photo. I had adjusted the top specifically for that purpose earlier in the week and I remember being really annoyed that there were shadows and the lighting was terrible. I was having a contraction during this photo, and a few seconds later passed out. When I "woke up" I was on the floor with our duvet and could hear Graeme on the phone to our midwife. The next thing I knew I was lying on our bed without my top and leggings off and my midwife was taking my blood pressure. Odd.

I have since decided to use the photos in this post as my 'baby in' version.

This is the first ever photo of Camilla. 

Love

First Bath!

Camilla has now taken her very first bath!! We figured after vomiting twice in her bed and smelling like off milk we should probably clean her :)

A babys skin is so soft it really doesn't need any products on it, but I couldn't help myself and used just the tiniest bit of lavender wash.

She turned from our little spew-head to a lavlav-head :) All ready for a nice snooze (and a celebratory "cabin fever" trip to Dennys for dessert! (which she slept through))

Happy LavLav!

Graeme did the bathing, he's so affectionate and calm! He treats her like a real princess :) It was so beautiful to watch. A really lovely moment in time. Captured for ever.

Camilla hates to get changed but seemed to love the warm water. Even though there was a little cry as we took off her clothes it quickly disappeared when we wet her head and toes. She looked quite content hanging out in the water!! We have 2 baths - one is in the change table (pictured) and another is bigger. We're using the change table one for now but she could already kick the end of it and even managed to pull the plug out the end with her foot. Water splashed all over the floor before we realised!  Tricky wee thing. 

I got a great video of her chilling out in the water with Graeme scooping water over her. So beautiful!

A Time To Forget

I just read an update on one of my newest favouritist blogs, Faery Sarah. She's preggo with her second and is at 36 weeks. You can read her post here.

I remember being 36 weeks. Just. I remember the weekend I blogged about. I remember sitting in the sunshine and thinking that it would be soo long until we had our baby, I remember the raspberry and coke, playing pool and rubbing my belly on the table. But I don't remember the pregnant part.

The all-day-sickness that left me in bed for days is just words on a screen now, barely a memory. The kicks, punches and heels in the ribs are a distant thought and the hiccups I can barely imagine now. I do remember long hot showers every night, rubbing my belly before I got into bed and feeling such love for someone I had never met. I do remember Graeme stroking, rubbing and touching my belly and speaking to our Little One. And I do remember thinking he would be the best Daddy ever (I was right).

It's only been just over a week but I hardly remember being pregnant. I remember events surrounding the pregnancy (like the showers and the kind words and the rubbing) but not the actual pregnancy itself (like what it feels like to have a baby turn around inside you, or be able to tickle her feet from the outside and feel her squirm).

I still remember the birth. But I know those memories will also fade (I should really get writing).

And that makes me sad. In all honesty. I'm so so so glad I blogged every week with what was happening at the time. One day soon I'm going to go back and read through my whole journey.

I know that these days are short. We had another little bubba (7 weeks old) come visit us today and I couldn't believe how much he had grown since his birth. He was a little (cute) monster next to Camilla.

So, these days are short and mostly sleepless and tiring, but I am determined to enjoy them for what they are. I love love love morning cuddles in bed when the sun is streaming in, I love the cute little hiccups (and can't believe she used to do those inside me!!!) the sneezes are adorable and her little toes look like tiny gummy worms.

I know I can't get this time back.. I am determined to enjoy it, even at 3am.

Sweet Dreams

Thank you everyone for your super awesome comments on this blog and facebook and emails into my inbox. You are all seriously so loving and generous and my heart is warm because of them.

At 10am this morning we had a 3 way cuddle and said 'see ya later' to Graeme who was off to work for the afternoon (he usually starts at 7.30am). I cried and Graeme cried. The only one who didn't cry was Camilla (phew).

We have had todays midwife appointment and now we are left alone. Camilla is konked out ontop of our bed and I am about to do the same.

We miss Graeme.

Sweet midday dreams <3

To Our Fathers

Dearest Graeme,

My love for your has grown tenfold in the last week. Seeing you so gentle and affectionate with our daughter makes my heart overflow. Nothing could have prepared me for watching you turn into a father and a man. I am so proud of you. Thank you for putting us first, burping at 3am, driving cautiously and letting your heart melt for our Little One.

The last week has taught me so much already and I truely value your role in our family. A father is a one of a kind responsibility and I know you will do it to the very best of your ability, because that's the sort of man you are.

Thank you for serving, protecting, providing and loving.

Love, Sophie and Camilla xxx   x

Dearest Father in Heaven,

Tears poured out today as I considered how much you have blessed us. Thank you so much for reaching out and saving Graeme and I from ourselves. We both need you so much and you extended your Grace to cover us. How blessed were we!? And then, you go and gift us Camilla to raise and look after for you. What. A. Privilege.

I don't know what we did or who we are to receive such a gift. Thank you that you are a generous father who looks after his children. I don't know how we are going to parent and be a good Mother and Father to your precious daughter, but I do know that we can do anything with you. I feel completely at ease knowing that you are in our lives.

I pray everyday that we could raise our family to love and know you, just like we do.

I really can't thank you enough. You have completely transformed our lives and I have no idea where we would be without you. Thank you for being the perfect Dad.

Love, Sophie x

Dear Baby, 39 Week Update

Dearest Little Lady,

Its your "Due Date" in one week. Where did time go? Its so hard to think that at any time we could have a little baby. We are so prepared for your arrival, we have everything! The grocery shopping has been done, the pool has been tested, there are a few frozen meals in the freezer and all the washing has been hung on the washing line!

It is such a beautiful day today. A good day to be born I tell your Dad as we left home to do a few errands today. He laughs as I say that most days.

Dont be long little one, I love you.

Mumma xxx

[photo credit goes to my Mother who took this a few weeks ago]

If I had of written this last Saturday (39 weeks) I would have told you all about how I was up into the early hours of Friday night feeling "funny". Emotional and fidgety. We had friends over and I was up and down up and down all night, I couldn't sit still. I even cleaned the toilet while they were here.

If I wrote this last Saturday I would have told you about how I thought I might have gone into labour that night (Friday) and that I went to bed excited expecting to be woken up with contractions.

I may have even told you that I had a very very mild bleed and ended up paging my midwife for the first time ever that afternoon. She told me it was nothing to be concerned about and could mean a whole variety of things. I still felt restless, so I went for a walk.

This is where my "39 week update" would turn into a birth story. 

Hypothetically, If I had of written this last Monday (which I did intend to) I would have told you about my midwife appointment and probably told you how ready I was for this to all happen. Maybe.

Well, I made it to 39 weeks and one hour. Technically.

I keep trying to write posts to tell you all how amazing it is to have our baby here in our arms... How much of a joy it is to hear her squeak from her basinet... But really words don't suffice at this point in time. I thought instead I would work methodically through the time of events and try and express them as I originally felt them rather than in hindsight.

Tomorrow would have been my due date, I feel kind of funny bout that.

[Side note: Just as I went to hit "done" I got projectile vomited on. It was so impressive!! I never thought I could be so excited about poos and sick!]