Wednesday, February 22, 2012

"Happy" Anniversary

"Dear Christchurch, I hope you are okay after the big disaster - from Queenstown Primary" Water bottle donated from Queenstown and picked up at the RedCross.

I have written and re-written this post too many times, unable to express my deeply buried feelings for the public to see.

The truth is my thoughts are a mess. Some days I am over come by hope; I'm so proud of our strong Cantabrians, other days I wallow and fret wondering why we didn't move out of here a year ago.

I guess thats grief and life. Our "new normal".

Following the quakes I wrote about my experiences in this post. You can read it if you like, but today I do not wish to dwell on that day. I wish to look at now and the future.

Thankfully we have a rented home to live in. We severely doubted our ability to find a rental following the quake. It is strong and sound and is resilient against the on going after shocks. I feel safe here, but it is a big concrete building and I have flashes of doubt in my mind of being trapped under a pancake stack of concrete slabs. But for the most part, we are safe.

Graeme still has his job. Amazing. People actually sound surprised when they hear that since he works in a factory in an industrial area just outside of the CBD. Actually, his company is doing very very well. We are so thankful for this.

Whenever one of us leaves the room we appoint "Quake Duty". If there is a shake you are the first to get to Milla and do whatever you have to to protect her. Too many babies died That Day.

I am so thankful for Milla. I was feeding her breakfast while listening to the Prime Ministers address to the nation this morning. One year ago I feared for her life, thinking we might not make it through. And there she was, sitting in front of me, happy as larry eating her rice cereal while rebuilding and saddness was talked about on the television behind her.

Did I ever mention our street smells like c.r.a.p? Like actual, out of the toilet poo. I always used to ask Graeme "Did you fart?" in the car when we turned into our street. Now I know its just the way it is now.

I honestly thought I had not changed as a result of the Quakes but I know now, I have. Day to day it gets pushed aside but when I stop to think I am overwhelmed.

"When you stop you feel, when you feel its uncomfortable" - Bob Parker

Thank you for standing with us. We are broken inside but piece by piece we rebuild and become a little bit stronger with a little bit more hope for the future. 

Other Christchurch bloggers reflect:
Miriam. Nin. Deb. Amy 1. Amy 2. Katy


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