Happy 1st Birthday Milla!

This time one year ago I was dozing in my own bed with a sleepy new born by my side. The bright light from the sun was trying to push its way through our curtains and our oil heater was cranking hot.

My husband was on my other side, wearing his blue flanellete pijama pants, they are so cuddly to sleep next to. Next to me lay little Milla, naked except for a nappy and wrapped in a hand knitted green blanket made especially for her.

Her forehead was a little purple, and only hours ago had been pushed up together in what I can only describe as looking like squished up knee or elbow skin. Now it lay smooth and flat across her head, her bones back into place, except for the evident purple mark.

Would it stay? I wondered. I didn't care.

She was marked with a birthmark on the back of her head presently covered by straight dark hair, for that I was thankful. Something from me I thought as I have my very own strawberry mark on my neck. We are the same. 

As for this little girl, we really had no idea. No idea about anything really. We didn't check her nappy at all that first day, forgetting completely about it until the midwife asked us about it later that night. Thankfully there were no sticky messes she had been laying in for hours. We had no idea about how to let a little baby sleep, not sure of when to put her down or get her up, or anything really. We just went with the breeze and where ever it took us.

We had no idea how much she would change our lives. We had an inkling, of course, we knew she would, but we had no idea how much. How much. Everything is still the same, yet completely different.

Now I am starting to understand Love with a capital L. I've always thought I did but this is something quite different.

My little bundle of Love lay there quite peacefully in our own bed, only hours after her birth.

Today, in 2012, she turns one. A busy little girl with a toothy grin and crazy hair. A girl who is always on a mission, always has a place to be and something to stack. A girl who is learning sounds and words and confidence. I feel like One is such a big age but then I see her innocence, her complete need for her parents just like the day she was born and I remember she is still my little girl who needs me.

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